BRIBERY:
This is pretty much exactly as it sounds. Getting your children to perform, behave, and/or do what they are expected to do by promising them things like money or gifts is so wrong, in so many colors, on so many levels. What useful life skill do you possibly think you are teaching them by doing this? I will tell you. You are teaching them how to act entitled, pushy, and bossy. Because the world doesn't already have enough of those types of people? Offering a candy if they agree to take a nap, promising a toy for behaving at day care, giving them money so they won't act out at school, before you know it you are buying them a car just so they will get passing grades and you can get them graduated from high school. These children are going to grow up believing that when people want something from them, they should only have to do it if they get something THEY WANT in return first and the more the person needs it, the bigger their gift should be. Meaning they will never do anything for anyone in anyway unless there is something in it for them and in essence you are denying them of the ability to develop compassion, understanding, and empathy for others, you are depriving them of any type of work ethic, and you are denying the satisfaction of achieving something simply because they possess the ability. I also think it would be helpful to apply a little common sense here (I know, not the strongest character trait of most of the population). If you are having to bribe your child to get them to participate in a activity, then you might want to re-evaluate whether or not they even want to be in that activity! Children who are doing things they love and get enjoyment out of it, don't usually have to be bribed to get motivated. (We also have an epidemic in our society of parents giving their kids electronics, toys, money, clothes, whatever they want, hand over fist, without the slightest hint of them ever having to work for it or earn it in anyway which only helps to create an individual who as an adult will NEVER want to work because, well they have never had so why start now? For those parents I hope you are very close with your children because they will still be living with you at 30!)
BATTLING:
There will never be any beneficial life skill that a child can develop through a parent developing the habit of negotiating/arguing with them. You are the parent, you are the adult. Don't barter and negotiate with your children. Do not get into a power struggle with them. Children of all ages need structure, they need limits, they need expectations, and they need to understand there are consequences for not following those because that is how life works. If you give them a task to do, make sure they know you expect them to do it, and only say it one time. If they choose not to, enforce a consequence. You choose the behavior, you choose the consequence, that is how they learn that! Negotiating with your children only teaches them how to be manipulative adults. Now please understand that when I say you should expect them to do what you ask the first time, I am not referring to things such as sports or other extracurricular activities. I don't believe children should be forced to do something they hate because for whatever reason YOU think it's important. Our job is to parent, not have a childhood do-over through the avenue of our own children. I am referring to responsibilities. I also do not believe that you will EVER develop an appropriate or positive parent/child relationship if the only way you can get your child to perform is out of fear and intimidation. However, that is a whole different can of worms we will save for another day!
BAD ROLE MODELING:
For whatever reason too many parents are content to act like juveniles in public and even worse, in front of their children. This is another epidemic that has seriously got to stop. Fighting, vulgarity, belligerence, clothing with insane profanity and inappropriateness on it, bullying other children, grown men making lewd comments about and towards women, grown women threatening other women for "checking out their man" with the Marlboro hanging out of their mouth, and these are all things I have seen happen directly in front of children! I guarantee you these will be the same parents who when the school calls them 15 times a week to report their child's negative behavior, they are not only going to act astonished, but then say "that is not something they learned at home!" I also find it amazing that it must be said out loud how completely disgusting it is for adults to pick on other children. I mean really, seriously? People who call themselves grown ups calling children ugly, poor, stupid, dirty, or whatever hateful name you can think of. Or how about parents who openly make comments and/or throw a tempter tantrum, while in front of their child, raving that their child was "robbed" or "cheated" because they didn't get a certain award or position that they felt they should have for no other reason than the parents status or income bracket! Awesome, there is another great life skill. Teaching children that if they don't get what they want, when they want it, then acting like a toddler and bullying others into giving in is completely acceptable at any age!
Here is the million dollar question parents: Do you want to raise a bunch of self-entitled, pushy, bossy, arrogant, rude, narrow minded, angry, selfish, manipulative, lazy, egotistical little princesses and princes who thrive on taking advantage of others and believe it's okay because the center of the universe is their self portrait? I would like to believe every parent would say, "Of course not, are you crazy!" Then please enlighten to me as to why so many people are teaching their children every life skill that will allow them to do just that??? Do you want children who are unable to maintain a job? Do you want children who are unable to sustain a serious relationship? Do you want children who no one would want their son or daughter to date, let alone marry? Do you want children who people don't trust, don't like, and would rather set themselves on fire than have to be around? No...GOOD...then why are you creating that very person?
