"The True Power Of The Teacher/Student Relationship"

With another school year upon us, I feel it is prudent for everyone involved with our most precious resource, our children, to be open to the new ideas which can in turn provide create great success stories.

As caregivers and educators, it is all too easy for us to resort to threats and intimidation when we feel we have reached the end of our tether will our willful students, yet believe it or not, positive change can be created in even (what feels like) the most impossible cases. I am sure that at least one time, every teacher has felt they had "that student" in their class. Those children who can display behavioral issues, are non-compliant, distant, disrespectful, hard to reach, impossible to control, if not all of the above. Those students most often labeled “the bad kid”. One of the biggest mistakes that many adults make in interacting with children, including parents, is asking the question "what's WRONG with you", when you should be asking, "what's HAPPENED to you". EVERY behavior has a reason. Whether to feed a need, gain attention, protect their personal safety net, whatever, there is a reason! So instead of blaming and ridiculing a child, which will only further damage them, why not just find that reason?

During my years of working with children and families, I have had so many people ask me, "what would you do, how would you get through to them, what am I supposed to do?" My answer is always the same..."have you tried talking TO them, not talking AT them", because there is a difference and unfortunately too often adults don't realize it. When you talk to a child, when you show interest in who there are, you are meeting a need in that child that they have been trying to meet on their own with unacceptable behavior. You show the child you BELIEVE in them and that you NOTICE them. It is a basic human desire to be noticed, to be recognized, to feel as though the life of at least one person on this vast planet would be altered if we were to just vanish. Talking to a child also provides you the opportunity to find out if there is hurt or trauma present in their lives so that intervention can be given. I would stake my career on the fact that if you asked 100 "undesirable" students what was different about the one teacher they actually liked, they would tell you, "they believed I could be something!!!"

Many people look at the challenges that some of these children present in the classroom and will tell themselves its impossible so why try? I say, it's not impossible, it can be done, but what it isn't going to be is EASY! It's taken years for this child to get to the place they are...a place of being untrusting, defensive, lashing out, pushing the world away...but they had help getting there. Our children are what we teach them to be, so at least one if not more adults helped to create this situation. Do you really think you are going to change years of trauma with a couple of conversations? There are, however some steps that teachers can take to help these children get to a place that will be beneficial for everyone. So here is my challenge to our teachers…try the following steps, at least one, but all would be great!!!

Effort needs to outweigh achievement: 
It’s no classroom secret that not every child is going to achieve at the same level. The downside is we are functioning within a curriculum that is overloaded with standardized testing. The upside is that if teachers will encourage the effort side of a child, more than dwelling on the requirements of achieving at that set level as well as the consequences if they don’t, it will help to create less stress in the students combined with an increased sense of ability.

Stop using the phrase “You have failed”: 
Who has ever gotten an encouraging feeling from hearing “you have FAILED”. It sounds so definite and carries such a heavy burden of finality. It makes people feel that no amount of effort will ever get them there, so why would they bother? Instead try saying to your students “you just have gotten there YET”. Not only does it sound better, the entire statement implies there is opportunity to continue going forward.

Children should have more chances: 
Being young means you are going to make mistakes. We ALL did it, now we need to allow our children to do it for you don’t learn without first having made the mistake. Knowing that, who has the right to put an amount on the number of mistakes a person can make? We live in a country of “3 strikes and you’re out”, but this mentality only creates anxiety in others because they know that someone is counting and watching. Not to mention how many of us have experienced that illusive phenomenon of making more mistakes when you are trying too hard to get it right? This ideal also makes it too easy for some adults to say to themselves, “well, that child only gets one chance because after all, it’s not like they are going to do any different with more chances, right?

Do away with the reward system: 
Rewards, not just in the classroom, teach children to “perform” as opposed to working towards their ultimate potential nor do they foster the feeling in a child that you believe in them! A child will do what is asked of them and nothing more in hopes of getting what they were promised if they did. If you want to implement a reward system of some kind, then set it up so it creates a challenge for them such as a reward at each level they reach (DO NOT use food or toys). Let the child know, if I didn’t believe you could do this, I wouldn’t ask you to! Also make the reward something were they have “buy-in” because children are simply going to be more motivated to work towards something they actually want.

Increasing teachable moments: 
As educators and caregivers, we can all attest to the fact that when children are presented with the equation “behavior + positive choices=trips in public”, it is going to be those children who need the physical activity the most who will lose it first. How can a child possibly know how to behave in public social settings (ex. fields trips) if they are never there? When we are not successful at something, what do we do, we practice…sports, learning, music, etc…So if you want a child to be successful with their social interactions, then you need to put them in that situation or give them opportunities to have interaction. That way, when you witness the undesirable behaviors, you can use those moments as teachable moments to show the child what/how they could have done differently!

Accentuate the positive: 
Everyone wants to hear positive comments and feedback, everyone wants to know they are doing well or doing something right, everyone wants to feel as though they made someone proud. Children are no different and in fact they need it more!!! As stated earlier, every behavior has a reason. So if you want a child to display desirable behaviors and/or make good choices, then you have to show them that they can still meet the same need they are working for yet doing it in a more productive, healthy way.

"TOO Much Medication...TOO Little Education"

It should go without saying children whose live within a chaotic/traumatic environment during the years of their core development are going to present a higher than normal likelihood of possessing one or more complex trauma related/mental health needs. Since the 90’s, doctors have turned to the use of “medical straightjackets” to reign in these “undesirable” behaviors our children demonstrate as a result of said environment. What I find shocking is that even with there being factual evidence that these medications have adverse effects as well as a lack of supporting evidence towards their efficacy in children, their use has steadily been on the rise. What's even more shocking is the realization that if a child has a home life chaotic/traumatic enough to require removal, these children stand an even higher chance of being placed on medication because the rate at which children are being given mood altering drugs is higher for those involved in the welfare system.

Children in foster care are 9 times more likely to receive medications over other children involved in the Medicaid program even though these same children only account for 3% of the total children enrolled in the Medicaid program. There was a study conducted in 2008 that found children in the foster care system were being given at least one class of psychotropic drug at a rate of approximately 21%, were being given three or more at a rate of approximately 41%, and four or more at a rate of approximately 15%.

Too Many:
1. Children living within the welfare system are dosed more often than other children with psychotropic meds as a way to treat possible emotional/behavioral issues while at the same time, little to no effort is made to assess and/or provide psycho-social treatments such as therapy or skills training.

2. Some child Psychiatrists are aware there is NO evidence to support the efficacy of a child taking five or more of these drugs, yet prescriptions are still seen. In fact, since 2002, there has been an increase of 600% in children in the general population.


Too Much:
1. Another area “red flag” is the dosing measure used. Since these drugs HAVE NOT been tested on children, very few provide any type of concrete dosing guidelines.

2. Due to the absence of these guidelines, some states are and have put together their own expert panels to create them.


Too Young:
1. In 2011, the GAO (Government Accountability Office) found in 5 states that children in foster care had higher rates of usage than other children enrolled in the Medicaid program combined in those states.

2. Also found .3-2.1% of those children UNDER ONE YEAR OF AGE were taking psycho-active medications, such as Antihistamines and Benzodiazepines compared to the .2 to 1.2% not in foster care. Now for those who may not be aware, Antihistamines are used to treat allergy symptoms, but Benzodiazepines fall in the class of anti-anxiety drugs. This means while they are used a great deal to treat things like anxiety and insomnia, they are also used for muscle tightness, pre-surgical sedation, detoxification from alcohol and the anxiety experienced with cardiovascular or gastrointestinal conditions.

Regardless of the reason prescribed, NEITHER of these medications is recommended to be taken longer than 7-14 days! As parents our job is to love, educate, guide, and most importantly, PROTECT our children. Regardless of whether or not we are talking about a child in the foster care system or one residing with their family, there is more than enough information available that demonstrates there availability of effective and reliable treatments that can be used with children who suffer from trauma/mental health related disorders which do not rely solely on the use of psychotropic medications. Now there are times medication proves beneficial and at times, even necessary, but it should NEVER be the first line of defense nor should anyone rely upon it as a long-term solution.

As parents, we need to stop being afraid of doctors or offending them. We need to be asking questions as opposed to taking things at face value, even if it means getting a second opinion or even just saying no! We are our child's only voice and no one should know your child better than you. As professionals, we should be more than willing to give children the time, effort, and compassion they need to bring about change, especially considering that we are dealing with issues these children did not create themselves. Overall, until better testing and fact based results can be provided, those directly involved with these children have to be more aware, no matter what their role is.

For more information on this topic, you can find it in the following journal: Administration on children, youth, and families, 2012, “too many, too much, too young: red flags on medications and troubled children". Reclaiming: children and youth Volume 21, issue 2, summer 2012

"The World Of ADHD: UNDER-Educated and OVER-Medicated"

In America today, it seems that the "go to" method for addressing the issue of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in children, is to do nothing but write a prescription and that includes even where there is only a suspicion of it being an issue without an actual diagnosis. From 2004-2008, there was an 80% increase globally in the amount of "Methylphenidate" given to children (Ritalin and Concerta) and the United States uses nearly 75% of the WORLD'S SUPPLY. As parents, educators and/or caregivers, we seem to have no regard for the fact that statistics do not even prove that medications are always necessary or effective to resolve ADHD.

A study considered to be the "gold standard" in ADHD studies, looked at over 600 children with this issue, comparing those utilizing medication therapy alone, behavioral therapy alone, or a combination of both and measured them all on 20 different dimensions. At first, the results show that medication or medication plus behavioral therapy were the best options for parents. However, after a 36-month period, those results had faded dramatically and when long term sustainability was taken into account, medication therapy alone was actually found to be very ineffective providing only temporary relief to behavioral problems. After 8 years, the effects of medication therapy showed no evidence of being able to create change in behavior or academic standing. Those who had received behavioral therapy ,showed just the opposite, meaning they demonstrate more sustainable changes that could be maintained even after the therapy had stopped.

Simply put, medication alone should NOT be considered a long-term solution to helping children with ADHD and greater focus needs to be put on behavioral therapy. While attention-deficit drugs can increase concentration in the SHORT TERM (hence the reason they are effective on college students who are trying to cram for finals) there is just no evidence to support that believing in any way that giving them to children for the purpose of creating change in behavior or academic performance over long periods of time is beneficial. Not to mention the side effects that these drugs can bring with them such as nervousness, agitation, anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, palpitations, headache, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, stunting ones growth, and psychosis.

I find it incredibly scary to think that we are medicating children with no real concept of what the side effects are or what the impact will be. The brain of a child is absolutely not the same as an adults which means we cannot give them controlled substances in doses we would give to adults. We do need further studies to point us in the right direction so that we do not end up using medication that produces long-term harm because we are satisfied with short-term success, but until that happens, parents have to be the voice for their children. they need to educate themselves on the differences between age appropriate behaviors and undesirable ones. Parents need to not be afraid to question doctors or teachers when they are being told to medicate their child. There is a time and place for children to receive these medications, but it is not without receiving the opinion of a psychologist who is qualified to diagnosis childhood issues.

At the end of the day, we cannot refuse to speak up for children, start giving them controlled substances at a young age, and then stand back and wonder how they become addicted as teenagers!

Understanding The Introvert...

I am someone who works closely everyday with kids and families and most assume that because of this, my personality type would be extroverted, but they would be wrong for while I do fall into many pre-established stereotypes, being an extroverted is not one of them. I am in fact an Introvert and one of the primary distinction for me and others like me to help others tell us apart is that we are friendly, not shy.

Everyone has their own personal limits created for themselves to cope with the world around them and one of ours happens to be "people time". However, even when we get close to our limit, shutting down and shutting out is hard for us and there are several reasons for this. Mainly because of the worlds view of introversion. I spend numerous hours each week helping others and while I love doing it, Introverts must balance work time and quiet time to avoid the constant bombardment of interaction. Unfortunately, there are many times that even the hint of desiring alone time is taken so personal by the other party, it is met head on with judgment, guilt trips, and/or indignation. This causes us to live lives of "making the best of it", and often pushing ourselves to be more social, even when we are exhausted, all because we don't want to inconvenience others. Sadly many Introverts feel extroversion is more prized in our society while introversion is viewed merely as a “second-class" personality trait that lies somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Obviously, it is none of those things and instead is how we are hard wired.

Here are some little known facts about Introverts:

Fact: Introverts DO like to engage in conversation and will even do so...
Many people assume that being introverted means you don't like to talk which is highly untrue. The difference for us is that we don’t talk unless we have something to say and we HATE small talk. I realize in the booming, social networking overload era that we live in, this is an oddity. The flip side of all this is if you are able to get an Introvert talking about something we are truly interested in, you probably won't get us to shut up for days. Ask me, I'll show ya!

Fact: Introverts DO like people...
Introverts will not have a large number of friends, but the few we do have, we place an immensely high value on i.e. treasure them dearly and those who truly know me, know how accurate that statement is. I can probably count on one hand my "close friends", as is true with all Introverts, but what society needs to remember, is that if an introvert classifies you as a friend, you should consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky. The reason being, you have gained one of the strongest allies you will ever have and unless you do something intentionally to harm them (emotionally, physically, psychologically, etc) you will have one for life. Once you have earned the respect of an introverted person as being someone of substance, you're golden!

Fact: Introverts DO know how to relax and have fun...
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature as opposed to busy public places. For example, my idea of a perfect vacation is a place with history and culture, not a place with noise and lights. Introverts are also not thrill seekers or adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, we simply shut down from overload because our brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways, look it up! I have many times, had a panic attack and had to leave some situations because they became too much. Hence the reason most of us avoid things like “Black Friday” or other holiday shopping.

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT aloof nerds...
We are people who primarily look inward and pay close attention to our thoughts and emotions. It’s not that we are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around us, it’s just that our inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to us. I think it speaks a great deal about a person's confidence if they are able to be alone with themselves and also be okay with it.

Fact: Introverts DO NOT always want to be alone...
It is true that since Introverts think a great deal, all the time about all kinds of things, we are perfectly comfortable with our thoughts and we also daydream a lot. In fact, when I was younger, I did it so much they wanted to put me in special education classes. It's true that we like to have problems to work on and puzzles to solve, but none of that means that we do not also get incredibly lonely when we don’t have someone to share our discoveries with. We crave AUTHENTIC and SINCERE connection with ONE PERSON at a time, but it is those three requirements that tend to make things tricky for people.

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT shy
It was stated in the beginning of the article that shyness has nothing to do with who we are. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people and rather need a reason to interact. We are simply just not people who are able to take part in that pastime, "interacting for interactions sake" and there is nothing wrong with people who do. However, we do want people to recognize that there is nothing wrong with us if we don't. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking! We are not consumed with what is polite or political correct because we are just not that fragile!

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT rude...
For those who truly know me, I know this will come as a surprise, but we often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. We want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this has become unacceptable in today’s times, so we often feel a lot of pressure just to fit in, which personally is exhausting. So we would rather not bother all together.

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT weird...
I am not sure of too many people in my life that would not agree, I am definitely weird, but it is not because I am Introverted. Introverts are just individualists who do not in any way want to follow the crowd. It should never be viewed as a curse or an infliction to prefer the value in novel ways of living or being capable of thinking for yourself. Our ability to consistently challenge the norm and not make the majority of our decisions based upon what is popular or trendy should be seen as something to be envied, not cured! We are non-conformists who do in fact choose the road less traveled and are often pioneers in our time!

Fact: Introverts DO like to go out in public...
To label all introverts as being unable and/or unwilling to go out in public is not only nonsense, it's unfair when in fact we do, we just don’t like to go FOR AS LONG, again for a few reasons. For one, we prefer to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. Another reason is because we are able to take in data and experiences very quickly. As a result, we don’t need to be there for an extended period of time to “get it" which in turn means we are ready to go home sooner to recharge and process it all. Recharging is absolutely CRUCIAL for Introverts.

Fact: Introverts CANNOT fix themselves and become Extroverts...
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts because Introverts cannot “fix themselves”. It is who we are and deserve respect for our natural temperament as well as the contributions we provide to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that introversion and intelligence are positively correlated in that the higher the level of a person's introversion, the higher their I.Q.

Much of this can be summed up in saying, we all have boundaries and we all need to demonstrate respect for those boundaries, especially in regards to our children. We all have our own ways of communicating our needs and wants and when you truly love a person, there is a willingness to meet them at their level as opposed to trying to force them to meet yours. Children on the other hand do not always possess the ability to communicate their feelings and needs which requires us to not only be in tune to ourselves, but also be in tune to those around us. We need to move past these stereotypes that proclaim just because a person prefers to be alone at times, enjoys activities alone, and is not the first in line for social events, it absolutely must mean they are depressed, negative, antisocial, avoidant, unapproachable, or sad. These labels can be EXTREMELY damaging to a child, especially when all they are trying to do is be themselves because that's what we tell them they need to do. Yet when we won't allow them to, on top of actively damaging their self-esteem, we are confusing them on a constant basis.

It is destructive and unproductive for the world to try and force others to be something they are not simply because creates feelings of discomfort or inconvenience. Introverts are by nature harder to read, harder to get to know, and harder to get information from which means effort for those on the outside and we have proven in this day and age, most anything involving a great deal of effort is usually dismissed as irrelevant and/or unimportant. Due to the level of judgment and attempts towards forced change that Introverts face, they have a higher probability of hating themselves and others because of their differences. Therefore the burden for change does not rest solely on the shoulders of the Introverts. We simply have to stop the further advancement of an enabling world that is constantly forcing Introverts to move out of our comfort zones for the comfort of themselves or others for it will only continue to create unnecessary anxiety and stress for our children. This could cause them to act out behaviorally as well as develop emotional difficulties. This world is hard enough to bear each day without added pressure from those around us so there is a need for Extroverts to recognize and respect the Introvert, but we also need to respect ourselves!

Understanding the Inrovert...

I am someone who works closely everyday with kids and families and most assume that because of this, my personality type would be extroverted, but they would be wrong for while I do fall into many pre-established stereotypes, being an extroverted is not one of them. I am in fact an Introvert and one of the primary distinction for me and others like me to help others tell us apart is that we are friendly, not shy.

Everyone has their own personal limits created for themselves to cope with the world around them and one of ours happens to be "people time".  However, even when we get close to our limit, shutting down and shutting out is hard for us and there are several reasons for this. Mainly because of the worlds view of introversion. I spend numerous hours each week helping others and while I love doing it, Introverts must balance work time and quiet time to avoid the constant bombardment of interaction. Unfortunately, there are many times that even the hint of desiring alone time is taken so personal by the other party, it is met head on with judgment, guilt trips, and/or indignation. This causes us to live lives of "making the best of it", and often pushing ourselves to be more social, even when we are exhausted, all because we don't want to inconvenience others. Sadly many Introverts feel extroversion is more prized in our society while introversion is viewed merely as a “second-class" personality trait that lies somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Obviously, it is none of those things and instead is how we are hard wired.
Here are some little known facts about Introverts:

Fact: Introverts DO like to engage in conversation and will even do so...
Many people assume that being introverted means you don't like to talk which is highly untrue. The difference for us is that we don’t talk unless we have something to say and we HATE small talk. I realize in the booming, social networking overload era that we live in, this is an oddity. The flip side of all this is if you are able to get an Introvert talking about something we are truly interested in, you probably won't get us to shut up for days. Ask me, I'll show ya!

Fact: Introverts DO like people...
Introverts will not have a large number of friends, but the few we do have, we place an immensely high value on i.e. treasure them dearly and those who truly know me, know how accurate that statement is. I can probably count on one hand my "close friends", as is true with all Introverts, but what society needs to remember, is that if an introvert classifies you as a friend, you should consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky. The reason being, you have gained one of the strongest allies you will ever have and unless you do something intentionally to harm them (emotionally, physically, psychologically, etc) you will have one for life. Once you have earned the respect of an introverted person as being someone of substance, you're golden!

Fact: Introverts DO know how to relax and have fun...
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature as opposed to busy public places. For example, my idea of a perfect vacation is a place with history and culture, not a place with noise and lights. Introverts are also not thrill seekers or adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, we simply shut down from overload because our brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways, look it up! I have many times, had a panic attack and had to leave some situations because they became too much. Hence the reason most of us avoid things like “Black Friday” or other holiday shopping.

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT aloof nerds...
We are people who primarily look inward and pay close attention to our thoughts and emotions. It’s not that we are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around us, it’s just that our inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to us. I think it speaks a great deal to someone's confidence if they are able to be alone with themselves and also be okay with it.

Fact: Introverts DO NOT always want to be alone...
It is true that since Introverts think a great deal, all the time about all kinds of things, we are perfectly comfortable with our thoughts and we also daydream a lot. In fact, when I was younger, I did it so much they wanted to put me in special education classes. It's true that we like to have problems to work on and puzzles to solve, but none of that means that we do not also get incredibly lonely when we don’t have someone to share our discoveries with. We crave AUTHENTIC and SINCERE connection with ONE PERSON at a time, but it is those three requirements that tend to make things tricky for people.

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT shy
It was stated in the beginning of the article that shyness has nothing to do with who we are. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people and rather need a reason to interact. We are simply just not people who are able to take part in that pastime, "interacting for interactions sake" and there is nothing wrong with people who do. However, we do want people to recognize that there is nothing wrong with us if we don't. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking! We are not consumed with what is polite or political correct because we are just not that fragile!

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT rude...
For those who truly know me, I know this will come as a surprise, but we often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. We want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this has become unacceptable in today’s times, so we often feel a lot of pressure just to fit in, which personally is exhausting. So we would rather not bother all together.

Fact: Introverts ARE NOT weird...
I am not sure of too many people in my life that would not agree, I am definitely weird, but it is not because I am Introverted. Introverts are just individualists who do not in any way want to follow the crowd. It should never be viewed as a curse or an infliction to prefer the value in novel ways of living or being capable of thinking for yourself. Our ability to consistently challenge the norm and not make the majority of our decisions based upon what is popular or trendy should be seen as something to be envied, not cured! We are non-conformists who do in fact choose the road less traveled and are often pioneers in our time!

Fact: Introverts DO like to go out in public...
To label all introverts as being unable and/or unwilling to go out in public is not only nonsense, it's unfair when in fact we do, we just don’t like to go FOR AS LONG, again for a few reasons. For one, we prefer to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. Another reason is because we are able to take in data and experiences very quickly. As a result, we don’t need to be there for an extended period of time to “get it" which in turn means we are ready to go home sooner to recharge and process it all. Recharging is absolutely CRUCIAL for Introverts.

Fact: Introverts CANNOT fix themselves and become Extroverts...
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts because Introverts cannot “fix themselves”. It is who we are and deserve respect for our natural temperament as well as the contributions we provide to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that introversion and intelligence are positively correlated in that the higher the level of a person's introversion, the higher their I.Q.

Much of this can be summed up in saying, we all have boundaries and we all need to demonstrate respect for those boundaries, especially in regards to our children. We all have our own ways of communicating our needs and wants and when you truly love a person, there is a willingness to meet them at their level as opposed to trying to force them to meet yours. Children on the other hand do not always possess the ability to communicate their feelings and needs which requires us to not only be in tune to ourselves, but also be in tune to those around us. We need to move past these stereotypes that proclaim just because a person prefers to be alone at times, enjoys activities alone, and is not the first in line for social events, it absolutely must mean they are depressed, negative, antisocial, avoidant, unapproachable, or sad. These labels can be EXTREMELY damaging to a child, especially when all they are trying to do is be themselves because that's what we tell them they need to do. Yet when we won't allow them to, on top of actively damaging their self-esteem, we are confusing them on a constant basis.

It is destructive and unproductive for the world to try and force others to be something they are not simply because creates feelings of discomfort or inconvenience. Introverts are by nature harder to read, harder to get to know, and harder to get information from which means effort for those on the outside and we have proven in this day and age, most anything involving a great deal of effort is usually dismissed as irrelevant and/or unimportant. Due to the level of judgment and attempts towards forced change that Introverts face, they have a higher probability of hating themselves and others because of their differences. Therefore the burden for change does not rest solely on the shoulders of the Introverts. We simply have to stop the further advancement of an enabling world that is constantly forcing Introverts to move out of our comfort zones for the comfort of themselves or others for it will only continue to create unnecessary anxiety and stress for our children. This could cause them to act out behaviorally as well as develop emotional difficulties. This world is hard enough to bear each day without added pressure from those around us so there is a need for Extroverts to recognize and respect the Introvert, but we also need to respect ourselves!

Giving A Face To Organ Donation: Whitney's Story...

How many times, while getting your driver’s license, have you blindly checked that infamous box “be an organ donor” and if so, do you even know what it really means?” It goes without saying that there are 1000’s of issues that plague this world daily, sending constant fear into the hearts of people everywhere and I apologize for bringing light to one more, but knowledge is power. Today, I will be sharing a story and information on a subject that is near and dear to my heart because it greatly affects a family who I hold in high regard and love. I am also sharing this because this subject affects millions of families every year. I don’t have a huge a platform to speak from, but I do have a small one through my articles, my blog, and my readers and to not to, I feel would be irresponsible on my part. My hope is to provide many with knowledge about what organ donation is, some statistics surrounding it, and why it is so very important to me.

For those who are unsure of the overall process of organ donation or even what it really is, we will start with the actual definition and move on to the steps. Organ donation occurs when an organ or a part of an organ is given to another person for the purpose of transplantation and this can be done after the donor has passed away or while they are still living. In order for an organ to be considered viable, blood and oxygen must continuously flow through it until the time of recovery and immediate implantation. When speaking of a deceased donor, this will require that the donor passes away under circumstances resulting in irreparable neurological injury, usually from massive trauma to the brain such as aneurysm, stroke, or automobile accident. Once all human efforts have been made to save the person, tests will then be performed to confirm the absence of all brain or brain stem activity. If official brain death is declared, they will then begin to look into whether or not donation is a possibility. The state donor registry will be searched to determine if the patient has personally consented to donation, but if the potential donor is not found in the data base, the doctors will speak with his or her legally authorized representative (a spouse, relative, or close friend) and offer the opportunity to authorize the donation. If an official donation decision is established, the family is asked to provide a medical and social history so professionals can determine which organs would be suitable or transplant as well as making the decision on how to allocate all viable organs according to who is on the waiting list. Deceased donors have the possibility of providing kidneys, pancreas, liver, lungs, heart, and intestinal organs. For living donors the process is obviously a little different and I have provided a link at the bottom of a webpage on how to do that. Living donors have the potential to provide one of their kidneys or a portion of the liver, lung, intestine, or pancreas.

Although we clearly have made advances not only in the medical field, but in the area of donation, the problem of eye and tissue donation vastly exceeding the number of donors available, has not changed or advanced. Here are some current statistics in regards to organ donation.

• More than 1 million tissue transplants are done each year and the surgical need for tissue has been steadily rising.
• More than 120,000 men, women and children currently need lifesaving organ transplants and approximately 1,851 are Pediatric Patients*
• Every 10 minutes another name is added to the organ transplant waiting list.
• An average of 18 people die each day from the lack of available organs.
• In 2012, there were 14,013 Organ Donors resulting in 28,052 organ transplants and more than 46,000 corneas were transplanted.
• 90% of Americans say they support donation, but only 30% know the essential steps to take to be a donor.
• Despite continuing efforts at public education, misconceptions and inaccuracies about donation persist.

It also doesn’t appear to matter how many efforts are continually made towards public education, the misconceptions and inaccuracies about donation still persist. So I feel it is important to try and do away with some of the myths:

• Anyone can be a potential donor regardless of age, race, or medical history.
• All major religions in the United States support organ, eye and tissue donation and see it as the final act of love and generosity toward others.
• If you are sick or injured and admitted to the hospital, the number one priority is to save your life, NOT to get your organs.
• Organ, eye and tissue donation can only be considered after you are deceased.
• When you are on the waiting list for an organ, what really counts is the severity of your illness, time spent waiting, blood type, and other important medical information, NOT your financial status or celebrity status.
• An open casket funeral is possible for organ, eye and tissue donors.
• Through the entire donation process the body is treated with care, respect and dignity.
• There is no cost to the donor or their family for organ or tissue donation.

I truly feel that it is easy for us to provide ourselves with excuses as to why we don’t get more involved and/or choose not to, when all we have is numbers to look at, for where there is no face or person, there are no feelings or connection. The girl in the title of this article is a young lady as well as her mother, Vanessa, are two people I pray for every day.  Whitney has Cystic Fibrosis and has since the day she was born. Though she was not diagnosed until she was 5 months old, it made the uphill battle her mother and herself were about to face no less enormous.

Cystic fibrosis affects the body's ability to move salt and water in and out of cells. This defect causes the lungs and pancreas to secrete abnormally thick mucus that blocks passageways and prevents proper function. This disease affects approximately 30,000 children and young adults in the United States and 70,000 people worldwide. Most children with CF are diagnosed by age two and many symptoms of CF can be treated with drugs or nutritional supplements. Close attention to and prompt treatment of respiratory and digestive complications have dramatically increased the expected life span of a person with CF. When a great deal became known about this disease in the 50’s children rarely lived past age 6, but today about half of all people with CF live past age 37, with the median life span expected to increase as treatments are improved.

Whitney has sacrificed more in her short life than most people do in their entire lives. She missed out on a great deal of school while growing up due to her illness and overall missed out on being a normal kid. There were no sporting events, dances, sleep overs, parties, school clubs, and all the other things that children typically partake in to create memories throughout their academic career. While other children were getting to enjoy being young and having no worries, Whitney was left with no choice but to grew up pretty quickly as well as to worry about very adult problems. She spent most of her high school years homebound and had a teacher come to her house so she had some hopes of graduating high school. Whitney was able to graduate and was lucky enough to get to attend her senior prom, however most kids probably do not do so while pulling an oxygen tank.

Vanessa is Whitney’s mother and has been a single parent Whitney’s entire life. If you had to think about the most stressful or worrisome event in your child’s life, what would it be?  Imagine facing every new sunrise with no other option but to wonder how many more days your child was going to be with you? And to those people who actually do face that reality, but for a different reason, I by no means want to lessen their struggle or pain. Vanessa has supported Whitney as a single parent, always working, always being her cheerleader, always being there ready to help and assist with whatever she could. Countless doctors’ appointments, endless stays in the hospital, and an ocean of medication. Being a single parent is a hard enough job, without having the added daily strain of trying to keep your child alive.

Whitney was fortunate enough to receive a double lung transplant on March 12, 2011. However while she is extremely thankful for her gift, there is no denying the cost of a surgery of this magnitude. The out of pocket costs her mother endured for housing, food, and medicines, during and directly after the transplant, was over $20,000 dollars. There is also the uphill battle of insurance. Since Whitney was diagnosed at 5 months of age, health insurance would consider it a preexisting condition and therefore have always been reluctant to help if not refusing flat out. Whitney has been able to get Medicaid, but due to the extreme costs of maintenance and medication, they consistently work towards finding reasons to cut her benefits off. The medications run in excess of $50,000 dollars EVERY MONTH and luckily Medicaid does cover the bulk of the cost, but it is also a gamble every month waiting to hear what they will cover and what they won’t as well as whether or not they are cut her off. Regardless there is out of pocket expenses that are endured every month and when you are unable to work, how exactly do you come up with that money? Whitney is only 22 years old and she has had to give up the opportunity of going to college, hanging out with friends, having a social life, having a job/career, and children of her own is not a possibility either. In fact, most days she remains confined to a house because she can’t be around crowds of people for fear of catching a really terrible cold or even worse, the flu! How many people have to fear getting the flu because it could literally kill them?

So where does Whitney go from here? To the same place she has been going, to the church to pray. The doctors say that transplanted lungs usually last around 10 years and of course Whitney and her mother are hoping she will not only be in that group, but that she will have a lifetime. The future will also hold a need for a kidney transplant due to the anti-rejection medicine she is required to take every day and her live is damaged due to her CF, which while common, will also require a liver transplant as well.

The plain and simple truth is Whitney and all others suffering from the need of an organ deserve a life and opportunity to have something more than doctors, hospitals, surgeries, and endless medication. She deserves a fun, she deserves love, she deserves memories, and more than anything, she deserves help which she is in great need of. The tremendous cost of her medical treatment has forced her mother to sell almost everything she owns and Whitney has been forced to move to another state where she could get better medical care. Sadly she had to do so without her mother.
As I stated in the beginning, I don’t have a large platform, but I do have one and this beautiful girl needs some kindness. The family has hooked up with a web-organization that allows people to start fundraisers in the name of whatever cause they are fighting for. How it works is you go the link provided below for “Whit’s Love”, you donate $20, and you not only get a t-shirt in return, you get to help save a life and after so many t-shirts are sold, the organization will donate additional sums of money to help Whitney!!! That’s it, that’s all you have to do. Some of us spend more than $20 in a week on coffee and this will be used to provide life-saving medication for an incredibly strong, remarkable girl who never complains, never says an ill word about anyone or anything, never demonstrates anything but appreciation for the things and people around her. In return she is only asking for one thing…a chance to LIVE!!! Please help give her that!

https://www.booster.com/whitslove

If you would like additional information on how to become a donor and/or organ donation, please visit:
http://organdonor.gov/index.html
http://www.unos.org/


“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

 

 

Preemie Babies: Tiny Treasures With Big Battles

For those who do not already know, November is "National Prematurity Awareness Month" and it is a subject very close to my heart for 3 out of my 4 children were born prematurely and one of them, my oldest daughter, did in fact pass away. Each year in the United States, nearly 500,000 babies are born preterm which is an average of 1 out of every 8 infants (globally it is estimated to be about 15 million). While preemie babies account for only a small percentage of overall births (11-13%), they account for a very high number of total infant deaths which has been estimated to be as high as 35%. Premature birth is also the leading cause of long-term neurological disabilities in children and each year the estimated cost in the United States reaches beyond $25 billion dollars! My purpose for this article is to not only bring awareness to this issue, but also help provide education on ways in which hopeful mothers can dramatically decrease their risks and the risks to their newborn(s).

A baby is classified as being premature if they are born any time prior to 37 weeks. Even though a few weeks may not seem like a tremendously long time when compared to the 40 week total, but there is still a great deal of crucial final development that occurs in certain organ systems such as the brain, lungs, and liver. Some of these babies are required to receive intense special care and can spend weeks/months in a neonatal intensive care unit. The earlier a child is born, the more likely they are to have severe health problems such as intellectual disabilities, Cerebral Palsy, breathing/respiratory problems, visual problems including retinopathy of prematurity, hearing loss, and feeding and digestive problems.

In 2011, the national preterm birth rate was 11.7% which was a decline for the 5th straight year in a row in the U.S. The March of Dimes is an organization devoted to fighting this global issue and has established a goal of lowering the national preterm birth rate to 9.6% by the year 2020. This is because while a decrease is always progress in the right directions, the U.S. is still far behind other countries ranking 131 out of 184. Obviously there are times that a woman can do everything right during pregnancy and things can still. For example, one of the largest risk factors doctors look at is if the woman has had a previous preterm birth. In those cases, they will take extra precautions to help ensure the pregnancy can get to or as close to full term as possible. Another risk factor with an unknown original is for African American woman. For some reason, they are about 50% more likely to give birth prematurely. There are of course risk factors that we are aware of that woman can  avoid or at least be very cautious of such as carrying multiples, existing problems with the uterus or cervix, chronic health problems in the mother, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and clotting disorders, acquiring certain infections during pregnancy, and of course cigarette smoking, alcohol use, and/or illicit drug use during pregnancy.

One group that I want to address due to the automatic increases they give themselves and their child by mere age alone is teenagers under the age of 18. The rate at which teens are having babies in the U.S. has steadily rose until 2007 and at that point, has luckily began to show a slow, but steady decrease. As a matter of fact, in 2012, the teenage pregnancy rate in the U.S. reached an all-time low of about 83 births for every 1000 for women age 15-29 which is the lowest since the 1940's, but we still cannot afford to ignore the fact that when teenagers decide to become parents, they are creating numerous obstacles for themselves, their future, and their child. We also cannot ignore how substantial their risk is for having a premature birth and in turn further increasing their overall burden. Not to mention that 1 out of every 4 teen girls who have a baby before the age of 18, will have a second child within 2 years.

Teenagers tend to live an unhealthy lifestyle for the most part just due to lack of education and/or lack of good choices. One would like to believe that when a baby is introduced into the picture, it would increase the likelihood they would change their habits, but most often this is not the case. Many young people develop habits of eating unhealthy foods, smoking, drinking alcohol, and using illegal/prescription drugs. They don't understand the value of adequate sleep, a balanced diet, exercise, and drinking plenty of water before, during, and after pregnancy. Clearly another major issue is lack of prenatal care received either due to not having access or simply not seeking it out because they don't feel it is necessary. Teen girls are also notorious for hiding their pregnancies or simply don't know they are pregnant until late in their pregnancy which again leads to issues with lack of prenatal care, poor nutrition, and inability to take the proper vitamins. All of these things create a high risk environment for the baby to not only be premature, but also have serious health risk that can last into adolescents if not beyond.

Another huge risk for teens is STD's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). Again, due to lack of education and lack of good choices, more than 9 million young people (age 15-24) are infected with an STD every year. A mother giving birth while having an untreated STD, again will increase the risk of creating healthy issues for their child as well as possibly damaging their own health. For example, Chlamydia can cause sterility in the infected individual as well as eye infections and pneumonia in a newborn, Syphilis can cause blindness, maternal death, and infant death and HIV can be passed to a newborn during pregnancy. However, treatment during pregnancy greatly reduces the chances of an infected mother passing HIV on to her baby.

Due to the overwhelming struggles that teenagers can create for themselves and their child because of age, choices, and/or lifestyle, it is naturally recommended and strongly urged that women delay childbearing until their early 20's. However, for any woman that becomes pregnant, regardless of age, there are certain precautions and choices they can take part in to help safeguard themselves and their baby. Most importantly is to ensure they eat healthy foods, stay at a healthy weight themselves, get plenty of sleep, avoid standing for long periods of time as well as heavy lifting, stop taking any illegal drugs, drinking, and smoking, and of course avoid as much stress as possible. Pregnant women need to ensure they take a multivitamin containing folic acid every day to reduce the risk of having a baby with birth defects of the brain and spinal cord. All expectant mothers need to seek out prenatal care early on and continue it throughout the birth of their baby.

My preemie babies are now 14 and 12 and I thank God every day that they grew up with mild issues compared to most. While my oldest was not born prematurely, he did have an extremely difficult labor causing him to get a major infection and in turn stay in the hospital for a week. I tried as hard as possible to eat the right foods, I exercised before and during my pregnancy, and didn't smoke, do drugs, or drink alcohol. However, even trying to do everything right, for some reason it seemed that delivering babies without complication or carrying them full term was not something my body could handle. While we did lose our sweet Kylee and miss her deeply every day, I am thankful that my situation allows me to help educate others on this issue.

Every woman and man who is expecting a child always wants to assume that everything will go wonderfully, there will be no complications, and God forbid, that no hard decisions will have to be made. Unfortunately that is not our reality because as I stated, even in the best circumstances, things can go wrong, things do go wrong, but hat doesn't mean every precaution can't be taken to increase the chances of having a healthy, happy baby.

For more information about premature births and the precautions you can take, you can visit the March of Dimes website. Also November 17th is "World Prematurity Day" and everyone is encouraged to wear purple in honor of Tiny Treasures everywhere that we have lost, ones currently fighting, and the ones who will be fighting in the future!!!