Who Are We To Sit In Judgement?

I have said to many people on many occasions that my education and my training are a gift and a curse. The reason I say this is because they allow me to see deeper into certain events, the people involved, and pull out important pieces that average society is unable to. That very ability is what allows me to understand how certain people could find themselves in certain situations and then in turn, making some very poor choices.

 When evil happens in our world, I always notice how many people start throwing around phrases like "I hope they burn in hell", "Death is too good for them", and “Who could have created such a monster". What a lot people don't realize is often times, we as a society are the ones who created that monster. I used to have a psychology teacher who hated the fact I refused to believe that someone could be born evil because psychology is a science and you have to stay open minded. Couldn't do it! I can't look at a baby, regardless of who its parents are, regardless of the means in which it got here, and believe for one second that its path is already predetermined. Are there certain mental disorders and genetic disorders you have no control over, of course, but the last time I checked the DSM, "Evil" was not listed. When it comes to Nature V. Nurture, I will take Nature every time! My husband and I love to watch "Intervention" because it gives you a rough time line of the person life and we have a game called "find the red flag:" because if you pay close attention to what people say, what happens in their life, and how those around them react to it, you can always find where the train derailed. EVERY INTERACTION COUNTS! You could have only one interaction with a person and still affect their life forever. We all have choices on how we treat our children, our family, our spouses, our loves ones, our friends, etc. Everything we do and say is going to affect someone and sometimes, people get put upon in ways the human mind is not even capable of imagining and it forces them into a dark place where they end up making decisions that most rational people simply can't understand. Now don't get me wrong, I am not in any way excusing anyone's negative behavior. I am not saying it's okay, I am not saying give them a pass, nothing of the sort. Ugly, evil actions are just that and when you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence. What I am saying is that I have the ability to understand how they feel they have arrived at a dead end in life.

I also find the judgment we pass on one another so unnecessary because as much as most believe they are untouchable by tragedy, it doesn't make it true. None of us are above having evil in our lives. I start to wonder what if my child, for whatever reason, strayed? Or found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or just made that one bad decision? At the end of the day, parents can only do so much and even all the good teachings in the world cannot immunize your child against outside influences and it only takes one momentary lapse to really screw up your path? What if it was a family member? What if it was your child or family member? How would you feel if you saw everyone saying these spiteful, hurtful things about someone you loved? Someone you were close to? I know it seems like such a stretch for us, but it really is possible to not agree with the choices someone makes, to even hate those choices, but still keep our personal opinions to ourselves. I truly believe no matter how immoral a person is, at least one person somewhere loves them. They matter to someone. They are someone's, someone. Why can't we just be unbelievably thankful we are not facing it and call it a day?

One of my favorite stories for demonstrating why we should not judge others or their situations is the Andrea Yates story, who we all know drown her five children. I used to be one of the people who jumped right in with, she should burn in hell. UNTIL, I took a class and the professor had a friend (a forensic psychologist) who worked on the case. He informed us of soooooo many things that we nor the general public really knew anything about. Andrea already had a major strike against her because she had schizophrenia and major depression in her family history and for those who don't know, schizophrenia is one of the few mental disorders which is genetically passed. She had her first major depression episode at the age of 24 and 5 1/2 years later after the birth of her 1st child, she had her first major issues with mental illness because she began hearing voices, having hallucinations, and day dreaming of stabbing someone. Andrea did keep these to herself, but voiced her concerns after the birth of her 2nd child. At this point, Andrea reached out for help by writing a letter to Rachel, the wife of Michael Woronieck, a self-proclaimed prophet and self-ordained, traveling evangelist who was also a college friend of her husbands. A very "Hell fire and brimstone" type of person with a history of legal troubles. Woroniecki and his family lived as vagabonds out of a bus for years and was the type to yell out sermons in the street. He browbeat his followers for their sins and convinced them they were in danger of losing God's love, but both Russell (husband) and Andrea were very impressed with this ministry. Rachel's ever so wise advice for Andrea was to read the section of the Bible describing the role of women in regards to their husbands and children i.e. work at home and subject themselves to their husbands desires.  Letters from the Woroniecki's berated Andrea and stated she possessed an unrighteous standing before God keeping in mind this is a mentally ill women who was also a very religious woman. Andrea thought about murdering her children up to 3 months prior to the incident and in 1999 she tried to commit suicide after her 4th child, Luke and then again a month later. Doctors in fact had already told the couple NOT to have any more children. In March 2001, Andrea's father died sending her into another depressive state. Her best friend, Debbie Holmes was already worried her friend was again suffering from post-partum depression after Mary’s birth in November 2000 and said Andrea often paced around her home like a “scared animal”. Holmes also stated,  “A couple of times I called her husband and I was crying and sobbing: She needs help now. NOW! Not next week!” Yates stated on many occasions she believed Satan controlled her because she was possessed by him. Overall picture: this was a woman who was diagnosed with postpartum depression with psychotic features and schizophrenia, but was not taking antipsychotic medications because she was having to breastfeed. The full time wife and mother of FIVE children under the age of seven (the youngest 3 were under the age of 3) and had miscarried her 6th child just before the tragedy occurred. All of this is happening to a woman with a husband present. A husband who continued to get his mentally ill wife pregnant and knew she would have to breast feed leaving her unable to take psychotropic medication. A husband who stated in court that he probably changed less than 10 diapers TOTAL! A husband who knew his wife was sick, who knew she wanted to die, who knew she had tried to end her life, and continued to leave her alone with their children every day. A husband who stated "she looked perfectly normal the day before the killings and never thought she was dangerous".  A man who was not held accountable in any way for anything that happened to his 5 children. Today he is remarried and has a new family! Now, you can't tell me that having this information doesn't change the facts and the judgment just a little! Do I believe that Andrea Yates need to ever be free, no? Do I believe she ever needs to have children or be around them, no. Do I believe that was she did was disgraceful and tragic, yes. Do I also believe this very well could have been prevented, absolutely! In my opinion, spending her life in a mental health facility is exactly where she belongs.

As with every long winded story I tell, there is a point and here it is: Don't be so quick to condemn. Don't be so quick to hate. And please, please, please, be careful who and what you judge. We don't know everyone's stories or the paths they have walked, so who are we to sit and decide what or how someone should live or what they deserve? I also firmly believe if you have not personally lived and/or experienced certain situations for yourself, then you really get no vote anyway. What kind of a world this would be if we put even half as much time into improving ourselves as we do into worrying about and criticizing others!

 Closing thought...this week in the news a women was stopped by a homeless man asking for change. She reached into her coin purse, pulled out what she had, and gave it to him. It wasn't until that night she remembered she had taken off her wedding ring earlier in the day and put it in her coin purse. The next she went back to the homeless man, hoping for the best, but secretly believing like anyone would, what chance does she stand of ever seeing the ring again. She saw him, asked him if he remembered her and if he happened to get a ring yesterday? The homeless man then pulled the ring from his pocket and told her he kept it because he wanted to return the kindness. What you put out into the world will come back, but it's up to you what goes out!