Is ALL Really Fair In Love And War?

I am by far not the wisest person nor do I in any way feel I have the answer for everything (though I am more than aware some would disagree with that), but I do feel I have suffered through many things in my 37 years that most people will never experience and/or understand. Of all the things I have seen, I find none of them harder to understand than that of the human soul and its innate need to inflict suffering on others. I will never understand how one can derive pleasure from watching someone they do or did love hurt by their own hand.

When any of us fall in love or begin a new endeavor we do so (or should) with the understanding that it may not work for whatever reason. That is not to say that we should live within the relationship with that fact alone, but it is unfortunately a reality in today's times. The question that comes to my mind is when this does happen, how is it that we are so quick to substitute love for hate. How is it that this person we once shared our dreams, thoughts, and feelings with, we now spread nothing but contempt and ill will for. We simply disregard this person who once made us SO happy, this person who once made us smile SO big, and at one time, even if you now deny it, thought this was be the person God intended for us to find all along. Then as quickly as we fell in love, we fall out, and before you know it we move on to the next "right one", again proclaiming to the world that this new person is the one we have longed for and love so deeply. I just wonder if we are such empty creatures that love has become nothing more than a superfluous word we use so frivolously and apply with the depth of a rain puddle. How can we be as shallow and hollow as to throw this word around with no regard for the scars and tears left behind when it is taken away? I am at a loss for how we can use something that is meant to be felt to the core of very being, a feeling like no other, and so effortlessly give it and take it back. There is something to be said for all the old cliche's like "never regret anything that once made you smile, for at one time it was exactly what you wanted". Is it so terrible to simply except that something didn't work for whatever reason and then leave it as that as opposed to driving in the painful realization like a knife? I have to say it leaves a person longing for the days of "true love" and troubled for what it will mean in the future.

However, I also feel it leaves one further disheartened when you know some of these people had children in the relationship. As much as we would love to assume that everyone who has child gains the maturity and wisdom to deal with the adult world and are therefore able to keep the children out of their trifling mess, but we all know what they say about assumptions! One would also think these situations could not get any more juvenile, oh ye of little faith! Many people go as far as broadcasting their conflicts, issues, and derogatory comments in public forums such as Facebook (keeping in mind these "parents" are often friends with their children who are also able to see what these ass monkeys say about one another). Once we make the choice to bring children into the world, we are obligated to grow up, end of story. You forfeit your right to act like a toddler on the playground the day you decided to become responsible for another person. You may not want to, you may not feel it's fair, but guess what, your child didn't ask to be here! We are bound to provide our children with a better example than we had. 

The relationship carnage is only intensified when a person "serial dates" and decides to drag their children through the meat market with them. If you want to date all of the Houston Rockets, that is your right, but it is not your right to make that entire team a part of a child's memory. All you are doing is contributing to an inconsistent, unpredictable, unstable environment which we SHOULD know is a disastrous combination for a child and will seriously inhibit their ability to develop positive social, emotional, and relationship building skills. And if you feel that I am not right, ask yourself, How would you feel if you saw your child do the exact the same thing? How would you feel to see your child dating everyone they came into contact with? Regardless of the action, regardless of the reason, how would it make you feel? Then take it one step further, ask yourself, How would you feel to hear them say they learned it from you?

Here is my one last piece of advice, when a relationship ends, for whatever reason, each person in it should do a "relationship autopsy". EVERYONE contributes to or contaminates a relationship, regardless of it's nature. However, when we are talking about dating relationships, if you really evaluate your part in the interactions, you might be able to find what you did to help, what you did to hurt, and then...(insert appropriate music)...learn from your mistakes and avoid it in the future! I know, it is a rarity these days, but how about we start a movement! A world full of people admitting their mistakes, righting their wrongs, and learning a lesson!