Gay Isn't So Happy Anymore...

It seems anymore when that infamous journey of parenthood begins, whether in a doctor's office or on a home pregnancy test, what inevitably ensues are thoughts focusing on ideals such as "what will they choose to be passionate about", "what kind of profession will they choose", "what college will they choose", and of course the list goes on. I feel that for whatever reason, the thoughts that never seem to be entertained are ones involving the concept that it's almost a statistical improbability one day will come when that same child will at least once, but almost assuredly more, make a choice their parents don't agree with or even life. It's also very likely that at least once, but again probably more, will make a choice their parents actually distain. It could be because it goes against everything they tried to teach them, it could be for moral reasons, it could be just based on principle. The reason is irrelevant because what is important is how the parent is going to react to the choice and what they choose to do with it. Moments such as these are when the real tests of parenting begin...

Having three children of my own, I am not naïve enough to believe a day may not come when one of them comes to me and says "I'm Gay". Obviously I don't know how every parent would or has reacted to news such at that, but I have had the opportunity to witness how some parents have chosen to. I will say in regards to the ones I have seen who have chosen to disown and/or degrade their child, while I do not in anyway agree with their them, their life is not mine to live or make opinions upon. That is between them and their child. However, for myself, I feel what I would almost instantly do is begin to run through the list of people in my head who I know openly proclaim this lifestyle to be an abomination, who will think/say God will no longer love my child, or those who believe my child will no longer be entitled to the same rights as others, according to the pre-determined standards of the self-appointed, self-entitled in our society. It would also make me think of what gay people have historically lived through...torture, physical/verbal assaults, rapes, maltreatment, death...I would wonder if the friends I have would tell me to my face or to my child's face, "you are going to hell?" I am afraid if I was put into this situation, the truth about this cold, fickle world would force me to lose sight of the sweet, wonderful, kind, intelligent souls they are because it would be harshly overshadowed by the now impending painful struggle I know they will face. A life of reticule and being cast aside solely because of the opinions that some hold towards a particular lifestyle.

When homosexual people choose to be open about their sexuality, I find that to be pretty brave simply because of how exposed they are leaving themselves. By saying and living out loud, "I am gay", it removes all public doubt as to the type of lifestyle they are living and the type of sexual encounters they are having, just as when people are outwardly heterosexual. Here is the thing though, being gay is not the only "alternative", sexual lifestyle in this world i.e. swinging, pain/pleasure encounters, dominate/submissive relationships, infantilism, escort services, etc. Are people who choose to participate in these lifestyles so willing to put it on display for their friends? Their family? Their co-workers? Their spouse or partner(if they are hiding it)? My money would bet "NO" and that's because lifestyle choices such as these are simply not widely accepted. This is also purely an educated guess, but I would say it's because they are submerged in "out of the box" sexual exploration and since the dawn of time, sex has been a very Taboo subject that most don't openly discuss. The public at large tends to view them as vulgar, depraved, and "scandalous" and most are not able or not willing, to understand why anyone would want to be involved in that culture. I think if there is one thing history has taught us, it is that which we do not understand, we fear and when we fear something, we attack and degrade it. This is because in our minds, degrading something and/or downplaying it's value, helps us feel okay about making no effort to understand it. Oddly enough, just like the homosexual lifestyle!

Most, not all, who believe the Gay lifestyle is wrong base their feelings in their religious beliefs and I may not agree with this particular ideal, but that does not mean I am not a person with a strong faith because I very much am. With that being said, I am not going to sit here and pretend I know the bible cover to cover. I do read my bible, but not as consistently as I know I should and because of that, I have never seen or even been able to find these passages that specifically discuss homosexuality as a sin, but I also do not doubt they are there. I aware there are many ways in which I could find out exactly where they are and maybe I should, but the truth is I don't know if I care. Besides, given the nature of this article, I am fairly confident there will be some who are all to eager to let me know exactly where they are. There are however, a few passages I have found over the years, that I would like to share.

Timothy 2:11-"I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent."

This is going to come a hard blow to the thousands of female teachers/professors out there as well as female supervisors, judges, senators, doctors, you get the picture. 

Luke 16:18 -"Whosoever putteth away his wife (divorce) and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband (divorced woman) committeth adultery."

Well, I guess I am an adulterer, my husband is an adulterer, and so will anyone that remarries from the 41% of 1st time marriages that end in divorce, the 60% of 2nd marriages, and 72% of 3rd.  

Matthew 5:28- "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

My, my there certainly are a great deal of married men out there who are committing adultery probably at least once, if not many times a day (that whole thing about men having a sexual thought every 7 seconds is actually not based anywhere in fact). Not to mention those who chose to attend strip clubs, watch porn, and sit with their buddies at a restaurants, a parks, a house, whatever, making oh so appropriate comments about women who walk by, women they work with, women their wives work with, their wives friends.

I will even take this one particular passage a step further by saying, while the personal feelings of others may not agree with this, my husband and myself very much due. We do not agree with the rule of "it's okay to look and not touch", we don't agree it's okay to leer or gawk at other people in a sexual way, and we don't agree it's okay look at other naked people for enjoyment or sexual purposes. We only want to see and be with one another, have no desire to engage in lustful thoughts about others, and for this reason do not go to strip clubs, watch porn and/or movies based solely in sexual exploitation, or partake in any of the numerous activities related to the topic. To us, whether you are married or in a committed, monogamous relationship, having sexually based thoughts about another person is the same as cheating and we feel if you are going to think about it or play "what if" mind games, then you should follow through. However, don't think there have not been many times in which we were ridiculed, called prude, old fashioned, and laughed at for our principals. I understand though. I mean come on? We are telling people we want our only sexual thoughts to be about our spouse, that we only care to look at each other in a sexual way, and that we have no desire to attend places or events that do not support our feelings...that is insanity if I ever heard it!

And my personal favorite...

Leviticus 21:18-21-"For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish (birthmark, scar, deformity), he shall not approach: A blind man or a lame  or he that hath a flat nose or any thing superfluous or a man that is brokenfooted or brokenhanded, or crookbackt or a dwarf or that hath a blemish in his eye or be scurvy or scabbed or hath his stones broken. No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God."

2000 years ago it was a law that a blemished person could not be the one to perform God’s service. While it was not that God did not accept the blemished person’s services, there was concern about the attitude of the people this person was there to represent. As a representative of the people and the person responsible for the moral and righteous paths of his flock, it was a common thought, as far as God was concerned, that a blemished person is perfectly acceptable to perform this service, AS LONG AS it wasn't a distraction in the eyes of the people. However, typically the people felt they would not properly be able to fulfill their duties as a spiritual being if they had a blemished person to represent them and these feelings qualified as distractions, therefore the reason they were disqualified from service.

I don't know if you have ever seen him or not, but there is a FABULOUS Christian Evangelist named David Ring who has Cerebral Palsy! Often during his sermons, his speech can be very hard to understand because the nature of his disability causes him to stutter, have poor annunciation, slur his words a great deal, and he does move abnormally. All this can be seen as distracting to someone who chooses to look at him in only the physical sense. So my questions is, if we are talking about enforcing passages in the bible SOLELY based upon the fact they are in the bible, where is all the hate, condemnation, anger, and derogatory comments for this man and others like him?  Maybe it's just not something I have seen or heard, but I really don't think so based upon the crowd he pulls when giving a sermon.

These are just a few of the many concepts that are really no longer enforced to the degree they were 2000 years ago. It is nothing short of hypocrisy to sit as a Christ serving individual proclaiming "I am okay with some of the Lord's concepts that condemn certain groups of people no longer being acceptable or even utilized in today's society due to acquired knowledge and tolerance, but there are some I am still going to condemn and be against and it's absolutely okay because it's in the bible!" I could just be dense, but the whole thing seems pretty black and white and like we have two choices: 

The first choice: You can believe that not all the Bible's concepts are 100% applicable, 100% of the time, and be open to the possibility of alternate interpretations as they pertain to current societal foundations. For example, clearly I do not feel all the propositions in the bible are applicable today as they were intended when written, however, my husband and myself do agree that men and women should not have lustful thoughts outside their marriage. So maybe you feel as I do about the bible, however for you, homosexuality is not something you find to be okay and that is fine. However what is not fine, is stating the SOLE reason you believe homosexuality is wrong, is because the bible says so! The reason my husband and myself do not attend strip clubs or watch movies with no purpose but sexual exploitation is because we feel it only invites temptation into your relationship. We feel it only creates the opportunity one of is going to feel inferior and maybe not what the other is actually looking for in a sexual partner. We also would rather enjoy each other and spend time with each other, not strangers. As you can see, I not only have a spiritual reason for what I choose, but I also have a logical reason. We also do not show contempt towards or hate who choose to live/believe differently. Personally, I think the reason some use the bible as their shield against homosexuality is because they don't want to have to say out loud what they really feel. That they in fact don't like gay people and maybe even hate them. That they find what they do and how they live to be disgusting, disgraceful, and unnatural because statements such as that, carry a WHOLE other word all together don't they? You couldn't call yourself a Christian, but in fact you would be a Bigot and a Racist! And those are some of those words we just don't use in polite company!

The second choice: You can believe what the bible says is law and if it says it's a sin, it's a sin. What was true and right in the beginning is true and right now. So with that logic yes, homosexuality is absolutely a sin and you are very much entitled to feel the way you do, have the right to speak out against as an abomination against God, and whether others agree or not, they do need to respect it. HOWEVER, those who preach to other believers that they cannot pick and choose the parts of the bible they want to follow, while ignoring the rest, are also bound by that very same logic. Therefore, while actively speaking out against homosexuality, you will also need to speak out against divorced persons remarrying as well as people marrying someone who has been divorced. Now that will also include the pastors who choose to marry them as well as the churches who allow them to be married in their church. You will need to make sure you let others know you believe women who lost their virginity to a man they were not married to, should be stoned, and demand it happen. That people whose child is disobedient, ill mannered, and/or breaks the law prior to the age of 19, will need to be stoned at the age of 19. Of course this is only a drop in the bucket of all the things that will require your devotion and backing and that's okay because they are in the bible so you are only following what you believe. I am sure it will also mean taking on a lot of people who will obviously oppose you, tell you your beliefs are wrong because these are things not practiced in our culture today, but remember, history is full of people challenging the opinions of the majority and sometimes, those people are the very ones who spearhead change. There is also a very good chance your family members, parents, children, and/or friends will be some of the ones perpetrating some of these sins. All that will matter in that at the end of the day, people can say, based upon your words and actions, you openly and adamantly supported the bible as a whole! 

My OWN, PERSONAL FEELING is that the bible was given to us as a glorious gift from our heavenly father as a guide to help keep us on track, find our way when we are lost, and gain comfort to the questions life gives us where there is truly no answer. However, I also feel it is a forever changing, forever evolving thing that is going to be interpreted differently by different people, just like any other book or any other situation, but that doesn't one is more right than the other. While the Ten Commandments are very black and white in their logic and translation, the bible is simply not that way. I don't believe God ever intended for the bible to be a document used as a weapon for causing dissension and hatred among loved ones, but merely a template for us to use in the development of a functioning, productive, effective, connected, TOLERANT, FORGIVING society that is conducive to our current times, expectations, and priorities. To be used as a foundation for us to decide what we feel is important, needed, and valuable and then apply it to the development of our personal morals, ethics, values, and beliefs. We are also are EXPECTED to be accountable to others and ourselves for following, adhering to, and defending all of the above. Some may say "you are picking and choosing through the bible to pull out only what you find relevant and ignore the rest" and that's okay. I would ask them though to explain to me how saying the homosexual lifestyle is an abomination and therefore those living within it are committing a sing against God, yet you supporting young women to be teachers, really taking no issue with children being disrespectful to their parents, or attending weddings where one of both of the people getting married have been previously divorced, if not doing it yourself, is not EXACTLY the same thing!!!

I have no control nor do I want to control how anyone thinks or feels. My only goal is to worry about me and what I pass on to my children. While I accept that one day, one or more of my children is going to make a choice I don't like or even detest, that day has not come so trying to predict my reaction would be impossible. What I can say for certain is I love my children more than my life. Due to that, I know that regardless of any choice they might make, there is nothing they could ever do that would bring me to a place of contemplating even for a second, the idea of being willing to trade a relationship with them for the sake of standing by my beliefs. I am sure this is the point where people would say "what if they killed someone or harmed a child?". As I have stated, no parent, including myself, is immune to the bad things in life and that includes your child making choices that are criminal. So if mine were to do that, does it mean I would agree with what they have done and openly support their choice, no. It does mean, I would do my best to help them see the error of their ways, still let them know that while I may not agree with what they have done, they are still my child, and I still love them.  So right now, for myself and my family, the Lord we celebrate and follow believes in equality...in love..in fairness...in joy...in not judging others...in mercy...in understanding...in patience...and in tolerance. He knows WE ARE ALL sinners, but WE ALL have the opportunity for forgiveness if we are willing to ask and I wholeheartedly believe he would STILL love my child even if they were Gay. I believe he would STILL forgive their sins if they asked him to and he would STILL welcome them into Heaven with open arms as long as they continue to be the good, loving, giving, believing, forgiving, faith based people they are now. I believe this because at the end of the day, yes God wants us to fear his power and his amazing abilities, but I feel he also just wanted us to be good, loving, understanding, compassionate, forgiving people and if we could accomplish that on a pure level, he would be in awe of us.

I wish the world were fair and I wish we could all just allow each other to live our own lives. None of us are perfect. We have ALL committed unjust acts, we have ALL hurt others, we have ALL sinned. When you really think about it, if two men or two women decided to date, does that mean the sun will not come up tomorrow? I am really not aware of any ways most would be affected on a personal level. Wait, I can think of one and for some, it would be a detrimental one...If the homosexual lifestyle was ever to become accepted and supported across the board, some people would no longer have it to complain about, which in turn means they would have to go through the tedious, torturous task of finding a whole new topic, that doesn't have anything to do with them to point their condemning finger at. All because in the lives of some folks, having something to constantly complain about and/or fill their gossip based conversations is as big of a necessity as AIR! Maybe instead of spending so much time worrying about who is or who is not going to heaven, we could just spend our time worrying about whether or not we are going to make it ourselves? Because to be perfectly honestly, I think it's pretty questionable for a lot of folks!

It's absolutely unrealistic to think every person is going to agree 100% the time. We all have people, past and present, in our lives that we do/did not support and/or associate with because of choices and/or actions they have taken part in and that's okay. So if you feel the homosexual lifestyle is not really okay, that is fine too. However, I guarantee you there is at least one person out there who loves them, one person who thinks they are valuable, one person whose world is better because they are in it. For that reason and that reason alone, we should treat everyone with respect and civility, just as we hope to be treated. It is okay to have our beliefs, to stand by our beliefs, to even express our beliefs, but it is in no way acceptable to do so with the subtly of a bullet and the finesse of being hit with a hammer. While I may feel one of the reasons some people choose to do this is out of a poorly misguided effort to divert attention from their own lives, but that is neither here nor there. However, for those who truly feel that constantly standing on ceremony to actively and aggressively preach to others their choices are wrong, an abomination, or sending them to Hell, is not crass, but merely an attempt to save people from their own choices, I would make this one suggestion. Continue to very cautious and work very hard to maintain this life free of sin you clearly have because it would be absolutely inappropriate on many levels for you to make decisions about the choices of others while your life contains so many inconsistencies. As long as you are doing that, please, by all means, go forth, and continue casting your stones because when the day of reckoning comes and our entire lives are laid before God for review, it's not really like you have anything to worry about...DO YOU?

Every year that I continue to work with kids, parents, and families, it shows me more and more that when I started my journey into parenthood, how very simplistic and naïve I was in my thinking. I truly believed all parents for the most part were like me in that their biggest goal of was at the end of the day, to have the ability to say, "my children are safe, happy, and healthy, not bringing harm to others or doing anything criminal, and are working to be productive and effective in our society and with that, everything else is gravy". I was clearly wrong. I may believe there are far worse things in this world than being a homosexual that a person can take part in, but that is not a battle for me to have on this day. As for my husband and myself, if we are able to state the above in regards to our children, that is enough for us at this time and as far as I can see, will continue to be.