Teen Pregnancy (Part Two): Reclaiming Your Life

A lot of teen girls feel once they become pregnant they have to give up on their dreams and goals for the future. Many girls feel having a baby at a young age is such a mistake and has such a stigma attached, there’s no way to recover and will place themselves in situations such as prostitution, drug abuse, crime, etc. They also fail to realize having a baby guarantees you’re now and forever responsible for someone other than yourself and their needs have to come before yours. However, having a baby at a young age does not in any way lower their ceiling of opportunity, it only means they have to work a little harder. If these girls seek out and utilize opportunities to grow, complete school/further their education, as well as develop positive parenting skills they’ll can not only help to end the cycle of statistics attached to teen pregnancy, but they can also become outstanding and upstanding women. By applying some effort and hard work, they can learn to take their lives back and move on. Having a baby as a teenager may delay your life plans, but it doesn’t have to end them. The same is true for the dads that choose to get involved. There are numerous statistics out there supporting how much better a child does with two parents actively in their life, whether they are together or not as well as facts stating that the biggest and best role model for a child is the same gendered parent.

Acceptance:
Being able to identify, acknowledge, and accept the things that are not right in your life is 98% the battle. Why? Because we can't change what we don't acknowledge. You have to know what is ultimately wrong in order to fix it. It should go without saying being a teen parent inherently comes with A LOT of difficulty, but as stated before, too many teens are unaware of the difficulties and/or unwilling to acknowledge them. Teen parents will face economic, emotional, psychological, and physical hardships of monumental proportions. In turn, many teens use drugs, alcohol, sex, and other self destructive measures to cope. I strongly urge these teens to enter this situation with an open mind and a willingness to develop a positive, productive plan. If they’re already in this situation and they don’t have a plan, get one! Write down what you are happy with and what you’re not happy with. What you can handle and what you can’t handle. What you understand and what you don’t understand. You will find when you start acquiring answers and/or solutions to these questions, the path to becoming a successful parent and person, is not so impossible as you thought.

Responsibility:
Even though it’s the common trend among teenagers today to blame everyone and everything for every injustice in their life, it doesn’t change the fact OUR choices, are OUR choices. Good, bad, right, or wrong, you made the choice to have sex. You knew the risk involved. So if you become pregnant or get someone pregnant, you guessed it, ALL YOU! So take responsibility for your actions and the situation you’re now a part of! You have to decide what type of parent you want to be and what type of role model you want to be. Regardless of your childhood, regardless of the hardships you’ve faced, regardless of whether or not you feel you have support, you are now accountable to another person. Only you can decide the legacy you want to leave behind because ultimately if you fail your child, that will also be your responsibility! It's also not something a lot of teen moms want to hear, but the fact is, if you get pregnant and choose to keep the baby, you are choosing to do so knowing in advance there is a VERY good chance you are going to be doing this alone.  Most teens fathers just statistically do not stick around. Given their maturity level, given the easy way out, why wouldn't they? So having that information, unfortunately it is not something you get to complain about. That is not harsh, that is not rude, that is just life. The best you can do is hope and pray for a change of heart while still making every effort to be a great mom. The worst you can do is that child as a pawn to play games, degrade or bad mouth the father in front of the child, and/or intentionally keep that child from the father. The choice is yours, but I promise you, one of those choices will cost you greatly when that child is older. Every child has to write their own story when it comes to their parents and if you interfere and try to do it for them, they will blame you later and sometime, cut you from their life. Kids have no say so in who their parents are so please do not make them part of your war.

Stay Organized:
Keeping all aspects of our lives organized will not only help you to be focused, but you would be amazed how good organization can help you survive even the largest of crises. Cleanliness and organization helps us to feel good about ourselves, it raises our self esteem, and it can go a long way to reducing the stress you feel in your daily life. Let’s face it, our lives are chaotic enough when we’re only trying to care for ourselves, but when we add the responsibility of caring for an individual who relies completely and totally on us, so anywhere we can cut stress and headache, is a good thing.

Be Grateful:
Obviously bringing a child into an environment that’s emotionally, physically, and financially ready is always the most practical. However, even when it does happen under less than ideal circumstances, it doesn’t change the fact that a baby is a precious gift. So instead of looking at it like a “mistake”, look at yourself and the situation as a blessing, especially considering so many men and women who would give anything to be a parent and are not lucky enough to experience the joy for themselves. Focus on the positives of the situation and what things will make not only you, but your baby happy. Stay positive about life and always continue working towards being a better person despite all you are and will go through. If there is something in your life you feel is dangerous or cancerous to the goals you have set, then get rid of it and/or stay away from it. If you are lucky enough to have a supportive family who is helping you and your child, take advantage of that. Don't whine, argue, and treat them poorly because they're not showing their support the way you demand they do it. Just be grateful you are not in this alone.  We have to remember that even as bad as things can get and even as down and out as we can begin to feel, someone ALWAYS has it worse than us!

Give Yourself An Education:
I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone that will not tell you the key to giving yourself choices, freedom, and success in this life is getting an education. Education is the only thing that can defeat the battles of poverty, homelessness, and self humiliation from failure. It’s the key to freedom. Teen mothers need to make sure if they do nothing else to further their education, that they at least get a high school diploma. However, my advice is to never settle for second best and continue your education beyond high school. I can promise you an education is the ONLY thing that will ultimately guarantee a better, more stable future for you and your child.

Being a teen parent will make it hard to avoid negative people in the world telling you that because you’re a teen parent, you can’t have the same success and opportunities as others. However, for the sake of you and your child, you have to ignore them. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, not defeat you. Only you can control who you allow in your life and if you have a lot of negativity now, cut it out.

Society way too often makes judgments when they see teen/single moms. We can't continue to be afraid of the topic of sex and at the same time be shocked by what is happening. I also think we need to remember, that at least these moms are trying and in many cases, going it alone. As I stated before, being a great parent has nothing to do with age, it has to do with effort, it has to do with responsibility, it has to do with accountability, it has to do with an ability to be actively present, and to love unconditionally. Those are character traits my friends that you CAN or CANNOT acquire at any age!

Being a teen mom DOES in fact guarantee life will be harder which is why it’s ideal to wait, but being a teen mom DOES NOT guarantee your life is over. So don’t make excuses and don’t settle for living in a place of bitterness and despair. Make the decision that you’re still in the game and grab every opportunity you can. Ultimately only you can change the situation you’re in and only you can reclaim your life. Turn this setback into a comeback and you may even possibly empower and inspire others along the way!