It has not been uncommon throughout my parenting years for me to referred to as "uptight", "old fashioned", and even a "prude". Those same words have even been used on many occasions to describe my marriage. Bradley and I have never been a couple that believes "it's okay to look as long as you don't touch". We don't feel like it's okay to make remarks about the opposite sex such as "if I wasn't married, you better believe I would go after that". We don't watch movies and/or go to shows that are focused "arm candy highlights". We try to live by the philosophy of not saying or doing anything that we would not say or do with the other person standing right there and when you think about it, if we all applied that principle to everything we say and do, I think the changes in how we treat each other would be remarkable, but that is a discussion for another day. That is us and what we choose to do and we more than realize not everyone lives within their relationship the same way. We don't judge others for what they do, but for some reason, we do not deserve the same respect. Regardless that doesn't sway us from having the relationship we want. One of the biggest aggravations I feel is when that same logic also comes into play in regards to how I parent because I have heard the same words used. I am more than aware that young boys and adolescents have a natural curiosity about certain things, specifically girls, (and the same is true of girls being curious about boys) but what I don't think I need to accept is the way in which they have to go about learning and discovering that world.
Parents are more than aware there are millions of avenues in this world in which young people can learn about the opposite sex such as the internet, magazines, movies, peers, etc. Frankly I think one of the biggest mistakes we are making is that too many assume their children will learn it somewhere so why bother filling in those gaps. What children are taught in regards to the opposite sex and sexuality will lay the foundation for the views they develop, the ideals they develop, how they interact with the opposite sex, how they treat them, how they act in relationships, etc. Sex Ed isn't just about teaching the "birds and bees". So you're right, they will learn it somewhere, but what they are going to learn is an unrealistic, inappropriate, idealistic, fairytale, and in the cases of young men, sometimes misogynistic view, of the opposite sex. I mean do you realize that about 13 million teens between the ages of 13 and 19 get an STD each year! It 2008 it was reported (according to the best possible calculations) that by the age of 15, only 13% of never married teenagers had never had sex at least once. Don't even get me started on teen pregnancy and sexting.
So people might be wondering why I would even be talking about this and here is the reason. My children all have a Facebook, but I am also one of those parents who has all of their login information, I check their Facebook's regularly, and they know I check them. I do realize not every parent does that and that is their choice. Personally I feel are many opportunities out there in which kids can be taken advantage of, there are predators online, and there are flat out times when kids are not making good choices. A perfect example of how things can go wrong is several years ago we had an incident with Jesse in which a mother showed up on my doorstep and wanted Jesse to delete the half nude photos that her 13 year old daughter had sent of herself to Jesse's phone. Jesse stated he had no idea what this girl was talking about so after much investigation and going through Jesse's phone we discovered that someone, another student at Jesse's school who was also on the football team with him, had stolen Jesse's photo off his Facebook, created a separate account, and was sending messages to girls asking for these photos, then telling them to text them to the phone number he provided, not Jesse's . Obviously I was ecstatic that Jesse had nothing to do with, I explained to Jesse this is a prime example of why it is important to keep your page private, to know who your are friends with, not accept friend request from just anyone, and make sure no one can see your pictures. However, one of the primary reasons for even writing this is all of the "likes" by young people I have noticed on Facebook lately. Last time I checked Facebook is a social networking site. It allows people to keep up with friends and family, have access to pages where you can get coupons and deals, kids can keep up with their favorite bands or sports stars, and everyone can play games to pass the time. When did Facebook become a porn peddling site??? I see all of these young kids liking pages that in my opinion are porn or at the very least are HIGHLY inappropriate, especially for the age of some of the people viewing it. Even worse, all they need do to view the content is hit a like button. It also makes me wonder why Facebook allows such sites to be added. I mean, seriously? There is an endless number of sites such as those on the internet to poison and plaque peoples minds, can we not have one clean place for children and young adults to be?
I also quite frankly don't understand why there are so many young girls who constantly post half naked pictures of themselves. I know some of the girls who do it are technically adults, but some of these girls are 13, 14, 15 years old! In their case, I don't think that it's okay in anyway and more so, do they not have a parent that cares they are doing it? In regards to the ones who are technically adults, don't get me wrong, I am not a feminist by any means. I am all for women being strong, independent, and believing they can do the same things as a man, including having full rights to dress how they want. (Side note: I also believe that every once in a while a woman has to stroke the ego of her significant other. If you have a relationship where a man is trying to keep a woman suppressed into believing she is good for nothing more than cooking, cleaning, and making babies, it's doomed for failure. The same is true of a relationship in which you have two people constantly competing for who is going to be top dog. Partners should be and should have equal parts in a relationship, but it's just a fact that sometimes men need to feel like providers, they need feel like they are providing their family with safety and support, they need to feel like men) I could be completely wrong, but it has been my experience that these women who tend to wear the most scandalous clothes, post the most lewd pictures, and express themselves in the most over sexualized ways, will be the first ones who are offended when men only look at them as objects as opposed to acknowledging they might have an intelligent thought in their head. Really?!?!? I don't think you can have your cake and eat it too. The fact is the world is built on perceptions and if you want to be taken seriously, if you want to be treated like a respectful individual, and if you want people to believe you are intelligent, then you have to give them that impression.That doesn't mean turtle-necks, long sleeves, and slacks either, it just means having enough respect for yourself to not show the world every inch of yourself through a computer screen. That could really apply to guys and girls! One additional thought, we all know once something is on the internet, it's out there forever. A lot of young people don't put much thought into their future or what their profession will be in, but when you are older and mature some, obviously you do. There are some professions in which certain pictures and certain actions can come back to haunt you, even cost you big. Just look at numerous Miss America contestants, beauty contestants, American Idol contestants, and the list goes on. There really is nothing wrong with being young and being smart at the same time!
To some this entry may seem like a lot of randomness and to some it may make perfect sense. I also know there are many people who won't agree with me because I hear it all the time. People say to me "the world of full of smut, there is nothing we can do about it, things have changed, might as well accept it". I do know we don't live in "Leave It To Beaver" times anymore, I am not that naïve, but just because something is so doesn't mean we have to accept it and it doesn't mean we can't work to change it. I also do have control over my house and the environment my children are exposed to. I choose to not allow that world into my home because I feel it is inappropriate, unrealistic, and plain degrading to women and men. Not saying that I am the perfect parent or a better parent, I just want my children to have a healthy sense of self, a healthy sense of relationships, and a healthy ideal about sex. My hope is that if create this world for them in my home, then when they grow up, they will want to create it in their home, then their children will want to create it in their home. That folks is how we break cycles, that folks is how we create change!
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