Steps For Addressing, Dealing With, And Surviving Conflict Within Any Relationship

Creating, developing, and maintaining relationships are a core element to human nature. Regardless of whether it is with a spouse, family member, child, friend, co worker, etc., connecting to others is who we are and how we are wired. However, just as with any area in our life we chose to participate in, our relationships require work and effort to maintain them at functional and acceptable level. Here you will find some basic steps we can take to foster those relationships and keep them continually growing and fulfilling in our lives:

Giving Yourself a Break:
Sometimes you need a little distance and/or time to cool off and reflect. While that’s acceptable, you need to make sure that it’s just that, a limited amount of time. It’s important to ensure after your break, you and the person(s) you’re fighting with agree to come back together and revisit the issue(s). A time out can be a great thing as long as the ultimate goal is to bring you back together. However, if you find yourself consistently addressing the same issues over and over with no change being made, this can create further conflict and further stress. In cases where one party is unwilling to change a behavior they know is causing pain or distress to other party and/or is unwilling to make any effort meet the vocalized needs of the other party, more than a break may be required.

Respect The Dignity Of Others:
Regardless of who you are in a conflict with, a person should NEVER be forced to lose their value or dignity as a human being. It doesn’t matter how right you THINK you are and/or how wrong you think they are, NEVER deny another person their dignity because in the end, you are only going to do more harm than good. Regardless of what you think, respect is not something you get just because of your position in life. It is something we earn through the process of reciprocation.

Radical Empathy:
It’s always our responsibility to do everything we can to identify with the other person and their position before fighting so hard for our own. Simply SAYING that you understand their point of view will not be enough to argue their position and present it as if you truly understand and share it yourself. It simply very patronizing when we attempt to tell others "we understand how they feel" or "we see where they are coming from" when we couldn't possibly do either and even worse, have made no effort to do so.

Acknowledge Their Wisdom:
Before we can ever be a teacher, we must first become a student. Sometimes we may find ourselves in situations where our emotions have become so elevated, our dislike for another person so great, and/or our loyalty so intense that we may be completely blinded to all outside possibilities. The simple truth is this...No matter how wrong someone might be about ONE THING, we have to be willing to concede there is no way they are wrong about EVERYTHING! We must know that in life, no matter how we may feel about a person or ourselves, NOBODY will ever be smart enough to be 100% right just as there is NOBODY dumb enough to be 100% wrong.

Conflict Hurts Everyone:
Even while we may try to do everything right when handling our relationships, inevitably, all the parties involved will pay a price when a conflict unfolds. The need to be right is not enough to insulate us from feeling the pain from any conflict we took part in. We also have to be willing to acknowledge that when conflict occurs, EVERYONE'S pain is real, equal, and valid. Meaning, no one person's pain is more important, holds greater value, or should be addressed first because of their age, status in the relationship, or past experiences.

Always Look Within First:
It's impossible for there to be a conflict if only person is involved which means ALL parties, even the one who was right, have partial responsibility in creating and perpetuating a conflict. ALL parties must ask themselves "what part did I play?" At some point we all join the "blame game", but we should never be above pointing the finger at ourselves before pointing it at others. This also those who always want to see the best in others. There are times we have people in our life that we just always want to see the best in and believe the best in, such as our children or parents, but it doesn't change the fact that they are human which makes them capable of hurting and conflicting with others and when they do so, they must be accountable for that.

Being Right Is Not Enough:
In our lives, our relationships meet certain needs for us and the nature of the relationship will dictate the type of need we are seeking. When we feel our needs are not being met and/or ignored, we address it with the other party. This in turn is where conflict can ensue. For that reason, it's always imperative that you remind yourself that the only real justification for conflict with those we truly care about is for the purpose of addressing issue(s) that are central to being able to sustain the relationship over time. If you are creating conflict for the sole purpose of proving your are right, you are more than likely, going to cause unnecessary, irreparable damage. However, we all have the right to feel equal, heard, and valued in any relationship we hold and when we feel that is not happening, it should be dealt with.