The First Three Years: Leveling the Playing Field

In 1964 Lyndon Johnson created legislation declaring a “War On Poverty”. One of the many programs to come from that legislation was called “Head Start” and began in 1965. It was originally designed as a summer school "catch up" program to help low income children learn, in a short amount of time, what they needed to begin school. The Head Start Act was established in 1981 which expanded the program and it was again restructured in 2007. This program is the longest running program U.S. history, of it's kind. It's overall goal has always been to fight the effects of systematic poverty on children, specifically in regards to their overall academic achievement. Research has showed that children who grow up in low income or poverty stricken environments tend to enter school with a gap in their language develop compared to that of their peers from higher income environments, a 30 million word gap to be exact. This meant that by the time these children were of school age, they had been exposed to about 30 million less words in their life. Therefore, these programs were designed to help broaden the language base of these children. Researchers obviously believed that by adequately funding such programs, and developing specific, individualized plans, we could close that gap dramatically.

However, two psychologists, Betty Hart and Todd Risley, came to a startling realization after looking into the efficacy of these programs. While they were managing to help some of these children avoid entering into a poverty level lifestyle as adults as well as avoid becoming involved in criminal activity, these interventions that our government was funding to the tune of $7 billion dollars a year were doing little for increasing academic success. These programs that appeared to be well ran, and generously funded were producing minimal results in regards to literacy rates, vocabulary skills, and had absolutely no impact on math skills for 3 and 4 year olds.

Let's be clear, their realization in NO WAY involved the development, implementation, or execution of these programs. The issue fell solely with what I have been saying for over 20 years..that timing is the key! Meaning these children were receiving the interventions too late! These children from low SES environments were becoming lodged in an intellectual rut way before they ever began attending Head Start. In fact, it was occurring before they reached the age of 3. Therefore these two scientists asked themselves the question that has plagued development for hundreds of years, "Does the obstacle we face life within genetics or the environment?" Their published report, "The Early Catastrophe" explains how they discovered the strongest indicator for impact on development was the environment, specifically parental interaction and parenting styles. Anyone who knows me, will also tell you this too is something I have agreed with throughout my entire career. I have always felt that that the situation in which a child was raised and the parental exposure they had would vastly outweigh any genetic upload they possessed.

This work is ground breaking and should sound an alarm for parents everywhere. Their studies show that the level at which children are performing academically at the age of 3 is STRONGLY indicative of their achievement levels at the ages of 9 and 10. The first three years of life are a period of incredible growth in all areas of development. The groundwork for who are children can become, emotionally, physically, academically, socially, will be laid in these first few years. While that doesn't mean that changes cannot occur after that, it does mean that as parents we have to be diligent and proactive about what and who we expose are children to, because parental influence is ultimately what will define them. As research has mounted, we have obviously gained extensive knowledge in regards to the development children. We even know now that development can be affected before conception by the way people take care of themselves i.e. their lifestyles, eating habits, stress levels, etc. Children are human sponges in the early years and have the capacity to learn infinite amounts of information so I feel it's our job as the parents to be good stewards of that responsibility.

With that being said, I would also like to note that these first three years are by no means a "use or lose it period" meaning if your child is older than that, it's not too late for them. Nor am I saying that once your child is three, your work is done. There is still PLENTY of work to be done after and PLENTY of change that can and will happen. The overall goal here is just to help kids, as I said, get off to the best start possible, but more than anything, to assist parents from low SES and poverty level environments see there's no need to feel less than or even hopeless because they don't have access to expensive/extensive resources. It's no secret that children who come from these environments have tremendous struggles and this is so because their parents, educational systems, and communities are sharing in those same struggles. Now, while I am not going to be able to bring change to those issues overnight, what I can do is make a few parents feel a little more empowered.  So while money does tend to make a situation easier, there are choices that can be made in any income bracket that have the potential to produce positive effects...which I am going to share.

This article is the first in a series that will discuss topics such as electronics and the developing mind, day care/pre-school options, things that can be done in the home, the importance of reading to your child and by the adult, parenting styles, and my personal favorite, why spanking shouldn't be the only tool in your tool box or there at all, as well as some other ideas! As always I hope you enjoyed this article and will stick around for the ones to follow. Also if there are any topics you would like to share or that you would like to read about, please let me know!

"Mother's Day For The Woman Who Has Lost Her Mother and Her Child"

Today is the day when we celebrate mother's everywhere...all kinds and all types. We cheer their accomplishments, acknowledge their sacrifices, but most of all, we celebrate with them their greatest joy, their children. This day has always been difficult for me, as I am sure it is for many. For myself, there are a couple of things specifically that make it difficult. The first being that my oldest daughter passed away about six weeks before Mother's Day in 1998 and my mother passed away the following year, two weeks before her birthday and two weeks before the birth of my second daughter.

I've always been a person that speaks my truth and has never been afraid to do so. However, speaking the truth will without fail always anger certain people. They will usually in turn try to convince others that you're a liar and essentially "you are/were the problem". I don't care. I don't care because I feel there are so many things that need to be said out loud. Part of the problem society is failing is families having entirely too many secrets, having too many behind the door and behind the back conversations, and families leaving too many important things unsaid all together.

My mother struggled with alcoholism for so many years. It's not by any means who she was or the most important part of her, but it was a the part that ultimately took her from those that loved her. I, like most people, always thought there would be more time, but there wasn't. Not only did I lose her, but I lost her with no resolution...getting no answers to my questions.  I felt for a long time like she chose her addiction over me and that feeling spearheaded a great deal of bitterness, which became my cross to bear. For such a long time I was incredibly angry with my mom. I had endless questions with no answers going all the way back to when I was a child. My mother and I never had what most people would consider the typical "mother and daughter" relationship. There were no close moments of conversation, wise words to carry throughout life, I don't even remember her every telling me she loved me, but I know she did, a great deal. What we did have were jokes...lol...my mother and I shared a lot of laughs, witty banter, and sarcastic barbs, that is what we were good at. Nothing to deep, nothing too serious, but that was okay because what we did have was ours.

Over the years since her passing, the anger has changed to understanding...time has a way of doing that. Experience and education, of course, also bring wisdom. There has also been two people in my life who have helped tremendously, my Aunt Sam and my Grandmother. Never once have they been anything but compassionate, never said ugly things about or to me, never decided they knew more about what went on between myself and my mother than I did. They did what we all should do. Accept that when it comes to family relationships they are personal, not public. They are all based upon the interactions and memories between those TWO people and any information a third party receives is going to be one sided. Why some people feel they have the right to conclude what someone had with another person and that they somehow have more information than the two actually involved, will always baffle me.

My Aunt Sam and my Grandmother gave me something incredibly precious, they gave me what I had never had the opportunity to gain...the ability to know my mother before we lost her. My mother was a tremendously beautiful soul. She loved God, photography, and windmills. She was smart and my goodness the woman could cook. Unfortunately, like so many of us, she was damaged. She had her own demons and sadly, she succumb to her demons only after years and years of putting up the good fight, but she meant so very much to so many and that's what really counts.

There will always be within me that feeling that I should have done more, that I could have done more, but not only have I forgiven her, I have forgiven myself. Let me tell you, forgiveness is not for the weak. It takes no effort to be bitter, to be judgmental, and to be angry. At the end of the day NO ONE, but my mother and myself knows what occurred between us, knows the exchanges we had, and the memories we made, both good and bad, NO ONE. It's beyond presumptuous for anyone to stand in judgment of the relationship of another. To act as though they have some vested interest in it and in turn are entitled to hold any sort of an opinion. Please don't do that.

I write this for a few reasons, the most important one being to say that REGARDLESS of the opinion held by some, I LOVED my mother. People can ignore me, they act as though I don't exist, but no amount of exclusion will EVER change the fact that I WAS and will always be her daughter...that we look and act just like each other...that I AM my mother and am proud of that fact!

I write this to say, please stay out of relationships that don't involve you. Outside opinions, accusations, and assumptions do NOTHING but create more problems, more drama, and more nonsense. What we should all do is learn to practice a long forgotten word...RESPECT. Respect where they are with someone may not be where you are and that's because their experiences are different than yours! Respect that you don't have a clue about the truth of what has gone on between them. Respect that they need to repair and reconcile this in their own time and their own way.

Another reason is to say, please don't take time for granted. If you have a conflict with someone, regardless of who it is, mend it. There are those things that are beyond correction and I accept that. There are people who are so toxic that having them in your life is impossible, but if it can be repaired, I encourage you to do so. There are millions of us facing this day without our child(ren) or without the child they long for. Some of us are doing it with the heavy heart of unfinished business. I wish on no one to have to visit their parent and/or their child in a cemetery on this day and I will be visiting both, if you have never had to face this day doing those things, please don't judge someone else's journey.

I  may not have ever been able to know the true person my mother was, but here is what I do know. I have her face and it's a face my husband and children love...for that I thank her. My oldest son loves the outdoors and my grandmother will tell you, I HATE it which means my mom gave that to him...for that I thank her. I am incredibly strong willed and do not easily accept the phrase "you can't" and from what I know, that was a quality my mother had...for that I thank her. More than anything, for all our missteps and wrong turns, she gave me life...for that I thank her!

(My Mother)

(From left to right, my mother, myself, and my daughter)

 

 

Communicating with Apathetic Teenagers by Joseph Greeny

I feel as parents, we often lost sight of the fact that we are NOT raising children and are in fact raising adults and I also feel we tend to forget that our children will be EXACTLY what we taught them to be. One of my favorite quotes states "that we often complain about the younger generation as if we had nothing to do with who they are". Very powerful words! 

I am consistently stating to the parents I work with who complain that their child doesn't listen when they try to help, that it could have something to do with your connection to them. The sharing of DNA does guarantee the sharing of deep thoughts and feelings, that is a privilege you have to earn...even from your own child!

If you have made no effort to truly build an emotional bridge from you to your child and have only "demanded" to get what you want based upon the fact that you are the parent, you are not only wasting your time, you are doing further damage to an already fragile relationship. Would you share your deepest secrets with a neighbor if they just walked up and asked for them? Probably not because while you "know of" that person, you don't "KNOW" that person. Anyone can put the initials "Dr." in front of their name, but they don't mean anything unless a person has earned them. The terms "mother" and "father" are no different. They are nothing more than titles unless you put in the work required to make them mean something.  

I came across this article and found it to be greatly informative and extremely insightful to those who are parenting teenagers and of course wanted to share it. Please note, I DID NOT write this article and am only passing on it's benefit...

Communicating with Apathetic Teenagers
By Joseph Grenny

Dear Crucial Skills,

I just watched Joseph Grenny's "How to Hold Those You Love Accountable" video and although I thought it was good, I would like to know how to deal with teenagers who don't see things as clearly. Both kids in the example well up in tears and seem extremely mature in their response.

What happens when you take this same approach and they just roll their eyes, say they don't want to talk about their feelings, and to just get on with it? What about when they've heard it all before from adults who really wanted to empathize and they simply like doing drugs or throwing parties? They see the benefit (popularity, hot girls, easy rush, etc.) and wish the old folks would just stop nagging. They're right and you are wrong. What do you do then?

Signed,
Giving Up

Dear Giving Up,

With your permission I will speak very personally. You are asking a question that strikes at the heart of what parenting has meant to me. My opinions about your situation have been informed by twenty-seven years of learning to have intimate relationships with imperfect people. People like me.

For those who haven't seen the video, I shared a story of a young man at an alternative high school who was addicted to drugs and was caught using them in school. I also described how one of my teenage children threw a massive party at our home while my wife and I were away. The point I wanted to illustrate is, if we try to address accountability with those we love in the absence of emotional connection, we often provoke defensiveness. However, if we pay the price to connect emotionally first, they are more likely to feel naturally accountable for the effect their actions have on others. True accountability is the fruit of emotional connection. Anything less is little more than compulsion.

Trust me, my life hasn't been a series of photo ops. It's been more valley than peak. I feel your pain when your best efforts seem to yield no influence. And I know the agony of watching those I love squander sacred potential. So, what do you do when, in spite of your best efforts to empathize, connect, listen, and validate others, the result is a shoulder shrug? Here are my beliefs about how to create healthy relationships with imperfect people.

1. I am responsible for influence, not results.

The instant I measure my "success" by others' choices, I am living a lie. The lie is that I can—or should—control others. I can't. I shouldn't. The very wish to do so is the root cause of every form of misery for myself and others. It leads to anger, despair, depression, compulsion, and pride. During our children's infancy, we parents get seduced into the delusion that we can mold them as we please. The truth is, we are responsible to offer a worthy example, provide coaching, give support, and surrender the rest.

2. Everyone learns on their own schedule.

Over the years, I've created enormous stress for myself and family members by unconsciously planning the lives of my children on a normative schedule. I had tacit expectations of where they should be by age eight, twelve, sixteen, eighteen, and so on. Mind you, I wasn’t aware I was doing this. It was more of an expectation I absorbed by comparing myself with "successful" parents around me. It wasn't until one child after another deviated from that plan that I became aware I had it in the first place. It showed up in feelings of panic or discouragement. It showed up in behavior like bargaining, bribing, and criticizing. I have arrived at a very different place today. I feel an immense respect for the uniqueness of each of my children. I have enormous faith that they are learning creatures and that they each need to learn in their own way and on their own schedule. If you'll allow a very personal aside, I also believe this learning schedule exceeds this life. I get to take part in that learning at times, but my role is much smaller than the illusory one I have so often coveted.

3. Influence can only be granted, not taken.

My children grant it to me at their pleasure—and tend to do so only when they believe they can trust my intent. In the worst of cases, children surrender enormous influence because we've convinced them of their own incompetence. They adopt every habit and aspiration we advocate because they can hardly distinguish the boundaries of their own identity from ours. The other extreme happens when they resent your attempt to violate their agency so much that your attempts to control become the issue. You unintentionally impede their ability to learn from their mistakes because they are distracted by their resentment of your intrusions into their choices.

Healthy influence happens when children are fundamentally convinced your only intent is to help them accomplish their own worthy goals, not to impose your own. This redefines parenting as a process of enabling their discovery of their own uniqueness, worth, and mission. And it gives you a small but privileged view of that unfolding. At times they'll make monumentally stupid decisions (as did you and I). With adult children, we slow their learning when we either fight these choices or rescue them from them. Instead, our role is to help them know we believe in them, and be ready to offer feedback and counsel when—and only when—they give us permission to do so.

I hope you don't hear any of this as glib. I know the pain of parental disappointment—and even agony. I've come to understand, at times, that making the choice to love is making a choice to suffer. But that suffering need not turn to misery if I understand my role. When I do, I increase the likelihood of experiencing the surpassing joy that comes from being such an intimate part of another person's life.

With love,
Joseph

 

Self-Regulation In Children: Finding The "Why"

Self-Regulation is still a fairly new concept, but research has consistently demonstrated that effective Self-Regulation is a vital skill necessary for reliable emotional well-being. However, like other skills, it is not something we born with and instead, develop over time.  As we grown and learn, we develop control over our emotions, over our behaviors, and determine how best to respond to certain situations. Since emotion very much drives behavior, it’s important that we understand the concept of Self-Regulation as it pertains to both behavior and emotion.

Looking at the behavior aspect, Self-Regulation is defined as the ability to act in your long-term best interest with your deepest values on a consistent basis. What we often face in our day to day interactions, are violations against our deepest values which creates feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. Not only are these the antithesis of “overall emotional well-being”, but they are feelings that will drive negative behavior. If we look at it in terms of emotions, Self-Regulation is defined as the ability to calm yourself when you become frustrated or upset as well as uplift yourself when you feel sad or down. With all that being said, in order for a person to understand Self-Regulation, they must also understand the basic foundations of emotions, more importantly, feelings. To put it bluntly, emotions “move us” and prepare us for action. Bottom of Form, but regardless of the action intended, all emotions will have the same three motivators: Approach, Avoid, or Attack!

1. Approach is driven by a desire to get “more”…More of anything. Emotionally speaking, you will see this in a form of things such as enjoyment, compassion, love, interest, etc. Behaviorally speaking it will appear in positive ways such as negotiation, cooperation, encouragement, protection, etc.
2. Avoid is driven by the desire of wanting to get away with something and in turn you will automatically lower its value or purpose in your life. Behaviorally speaking, this will appear in the form of ignoring, dismissal, or rejection.
3. Attack is driven by exactly what it sounds like. A desire to criticize, insult, demean, harm, dominate, or destroy something or someone. Emotionally speaking, this appears in forms of anger, contempt, even disgust and behaviorally speaking you will see it appear through manipulation, demands, threats, and even bullying.

So what are feelings? Feelings are the most misunderstood component of emotions simply because they are complex and ever-changing. Our moods can be affected by the weather, physical states such as illness, our environment or people in it, psychological responses such as depression, and numerous other things. As humans, our tendency is to avoid actively focusing on feelings and instead just the overall mood…in other words, we “feel”, but we don’t “think” about what we feel. The thought process behind our feelings typically only comes when someone asks us specifically, “what are you feeling?” The problem with this question is that when we focus solely on anything, it just makes it more intense for us and since we tend to already be uncomfortable by what we are feeling, increasing the intensity, is only going to be more upsetting. In regards to Self-Regulation, this creates a problem because it’s really only attainable when the person’s feelings are not distorted through overall amplification.

So let’s put all of this into context…

When a person simply states “I feel bad” all the attention is aimed towards the “bad” feeling alone and typically there is an automatic need created to justify and/or explain the “bad” feeling i.e. putting the responsibility of the feeling on another person or situation. In other words, they begin “blaming” instead of “identifying”! However, if you encourage them to focus on a statement such as “this is the reason I feel bad” it will help to keep them focused on what’s truly wrong as opposed to generalizing and/or fabricating.

Feelings are important because feelings drive behaviors, but they are not the MOST important aspect. When the “why” of the feeling is not found, it is harder to create beneficial behavior. Put another way, every behavior has a reason so the key is to “find the why” in the feeling that in turn is behind the behavior. When we are talking about children, how we view their actions needs to always be put into context. Not every behavior can be disciplined out of a child and in fact, very few can. As I stated, our behaviors are driven by our emotions so the only way a child will be able to alter their undesirable behaviors, is to first understand what caused the feeling that is driving it. With that being said, a person’s ability to Self-Regulate is something that we as society take for granted, just as we do so many things about human nature. We too often forget “that a person cannot demonstrate or display that which they were not taught”.  Meaning, children are what their parents teach them to be so when a child misses out on certain life skills, how do we expect them to do it as an adult? So as parents and caregivers, we need to assist them in learning to identify “WHY they feel bad” and not just “they feel bad”. Knowing how to calm oneself is an important and necessary life-long skill so the more opportunities children have to address inappropriate situations, the more it will create in them the ability to identify/verbalize their own “whys”. Overall, this will lead to children who are able to modify their own undesirable behaviors as opposed to relying on an adult to emotionally rescue them when their feelings make them uncomfortable.

My Own Personal Thoughts On The "Ebola Crisis"

I will state from the beginning, that if anyone finds this offensive or rude, then I do apologize, but again, these are my thoughts and my feelings, therefore no one is required to believe them, trust them, or follow them.

Of course we know that right now, based solely on media coverage, that Ebola has become not a HEALTH epidemic, but a FEAR epidemic of monumental portions. Why? Because we are human beings wired for immediate mass hysteria of the unknown! Even looking at the facts, that there have been only THREE confirmed cases in the U.S., it in no way sways people from complete breakdown about this disease. If fact, a recent poll that was conducted showed that approximately 40% of the population view Ebola as a “moderate to severe health risk”…THREE PEOPLE folks!

Now here is another interesting fact, how many people know what Enterovirus D68 is? Typically speaking the only people who are aware of what this is are people with small children. This particular virus causes respiratory problems, often severe, and in rare cases, has even caused children to develop muscle paralysis, but even that has no concrete scientific proof of causation. To date, approximately 600 children, in 45 states, have been infected. Now most have recovered quickly, but there have still been 5 deaths so naturally there is a great deal of anxiety among parents in the U.S.

Here is the question, are we essentially worrying too much about both of these diseases? Here is the reality and the answer…YES! Unequivocally YES! The actuality is that we are not nor have we ever applied the panic where it should actually be when it comes to diseases that are FAR MORE LIKELY to cause serious damage to the U.S. population. For example….INFLUENZA!  Everyone should be aware that Flu season is upon us. What everyone may not be aware of is that is that the Flu kills THOUSANDS of Americans and puts HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS in the hospital. Yet never do you see the level and magnitude of widespread panic and chaos that we have seen in the last month.

According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), the average annual death toll from the Flu, between the years of 1976 and 2007, has been MORE than 23,000!!!! What’s more insane, at least to me, is that there ARE preventative measures and even a VACCINE for the Flu while there is nothing for Ebola or Enterovirus D68. The bigger reality is that actually trying to force some public panic over the Flu, as has been done with the other two, might actually help increase awareness as well as people taking preventative measures. Nope, here we are with the media creating "circus level craziness" over two diseases that are highly unlikely to ever reach the level of panic they are currently garnishing and truth be told, when it comes to Ebola, at this time, the only people who are truly at risk, are health care workers!

Ebola and Enterovirus D68 are nothing more than novelty items right now. Just like the new toy at Christmas that every child wants or the newest cell phone/electronic that every adult wants. Meanwhile, the Flu has basically become the first IPod ever produced or toys from the 80’s...you know, “been there, done that”. It’s people's familiarity with it that causes them to not be scared of it. Numerous studies have been done to show, people will underestimate the overall risks of the everyday, common place hazards of life, while at the same time, INCREDIBLY overestimating the overall risk of those events that are out of the ordinary. To put it plainly, as I have said many, many, many times, “We always fear what we don’t know!”  People will turn themselves inside out with worry about a plane crash, while driving everyday like they are on automatic pilot when every study shows you are more likely to die in a car crash or even walking that on a plane.

All of this fear, while understandable is absolutely, 100% irrational. We have all heard that you should never stress or worry about that which you can’t control because it is wasted energy! Ebola is no different! There is no vaccine, it is not spread through the air, but we do know that it’s probably a good idea to stay away from anyone who has been to South Africa in the last 21 days. The Flu on the other hand is spread through the air, can kill you and does kill thousands every year, but also has several preventative measures. People, we survived small pox, we survived polio, we survived NIHI, we even survived the turn of the new millennium, which if you will remember, EVERYTHING was saying then that it was going to end the world, just like people believe now!

I also want to add for those who don’t know, for those who think that hospitals are not taking this seriously, hospital protocol says there are two questions that are asked to anyone who presents with the possibility of having Ebola. The first being if they have flu like symptoms because that is what you will see and the second is, if they have been in contact with anyone who has traveled to South Africa or if they themselves have, in the last 7-21 days. If both of those questions are asked, they are immediately quarantined and tested. It is because it takes 7-21 days for symptoms to appear and if by chance they have been to Africa or been around someone who has, but if was longer than 21 days ago, they are clear, it’s just that simple. That's a fact, that's science, there is no getting around it!

Drugs and Halloween: Information every parent should know!

As parents we are all more than aware of the infamous holiday that is just around the corner. The one filled with wrapped treats and cute costumes galore. Yes, I am talking about Halloween. However, this holiday is not always a great time for parents because it can bring with it a lot of fear due to many of the issues we currently face in our society. Meaning, we want our children to have fun without also ending up with some harmful if not deadly in their treat bag. Overall, as parents we just want to protect our children as best as we can so I have written this article in attempt to provide some information to help you do that.

Often I say my education is a gift and a curse because I have knowledge about those things “that go bump in the night” and at times, it’s not always fun to know it. However, in this case, I am glad I know certain things and can in turn pass it along to other parents. Now, it’s pretty well known that in the mid-80’s, we had to start worrying about razor blades in apples and cyanide being placed in food. Unfortunately with the continued development of technology, the internet, and resources, we have also increased not only our level of exposure, but also the level of autonomy.

I will start off saying that as much as the media likes to feed the masses’ level of panic, there has not been any cases of people in the United States INTENTIONALLY giving children candy laced with drugs. With that being said, there are NUMEROUS food and candy products out there that are laced with drugs, such as Marijuana and obviously this has only increased with the legalization of marijuana in certain states. Now many parents might say, “Oh I know what pot smells like, I would know if my child has it”. Well…no you wouldn’t because once pot has been infused into a food product, there is no way to tell it’s in there until AFTER the effects start happening, BUT all food products sold by a dispensary are required by law to be labeled. Parents also need to know that there have been cases of people lacing things such as Smarties with LCD and there have even been reports of flavored Meth and Heroin circulating through the U.S. Teenagers have even found a way around “suspicious prescription drug use” by melting down hard candy, mixing in crushed up prescription pills, then letting it harden. There is also THOUSANDS of type’s Ecstasy available on the streets that all contain child friendly pictures and colors.

So what do we do? Well the best offense is a good defense and what parents can do is be very mindful and aware. First and foremost, it’s a great idea to only take your child(ren) to areas in which you know the people. If that is not possible, search in your local town for churches, businesses, other organizations that are doing city wide trick or treating. Most everyone does this now just for the safety of the children and it will always be a better option that taking your child to a stranger’s home. Go through EVERYTHING in your child’s bag. Take out ANYTHING that does not have a wrapper, looks like it has been rewrapped, and/or is not in the original shape that we have come to know for most candy available. If you find anything suspicious, feel it could harmful, or know for sure it’s something harmful, DO NOT throw it out! Turn it in to your local authorities because they will be able to not only dispense of it properly, they may be able to find where it’s coming from which is helpful if someone is giving kids drugs intentionally. Personally, I would also not allow my kids to have Smarties at all, simply because they are too easy to rewrap and no one is of the wiser. While it should not have to be said, I am going to say it anyway… DO NOT let your child have ANY food items, AT ALL!!! That includes brownies, fruit, food of any kind. It’s just not worth the possible risk.
Like I said in the beginning, there are several “panic fires” that are being stoked by the press with no evidence to back them up, but as I also stated, it’s always better to be safe than sorry because who knows what could accidently end up in a person candy dish! Therefore it’s just good information to get out there! I wish everyone the best of holidays and STAY SAFE!

"Suggestions For Quality Family Time"

It's obvious that with summer drawing to a close and kids returning to school, there are fewer opportunities for quality family time. Another downside to school going back is that the overall family schedule becomes overloaded. This unfortunately can lead to parents getting in a habit of choosing those “go to” that are easier on their time constraints and as well all know, “go-to” typically translates into something involving the TV or electronics.

Therefore, in an effort to support family unity as well as be mindful of the "beat the clock" mindset, I have created a list of 45 activities families can do together. Keep in mind, not everyone will have access to every suggestion, however, I have tried to create a fairly comprehensive list with a variety of activities that will meet budget and time requirements. So I think everyone will be able to find something that will be perfect for them.

1. Go for a bike ride, regardless of distance.
2. Go see a play.
3. Go to the gym together.
4. Fold laundry (I know this seems like a bad idea, but it really can be turned into a fun activity and helpful at the same time)
5. Plant a garden or a potted plant.
6. Make a meal together.
7. Play a sport together and/or teach each other how to play.
8. Have a game night.
9. Go for a walk.
10. Have a picnic on the beach or in the park. You can pick up sea shells, go swimming, walk the dogs, play games outside, etc.
11. Paint a room in your house or re-do a room
12. Everyone can work on a puzzle together.
13. Read a book together. Again, I know this sounds odd, but my husband and I read with our kids every day. Your kids are what you teach them to be and if you want them to be excited about reading, you have to show them how.
14. Drag out all those pictures and put together a photo album.
15. Sit outside and watch the sunset
16. Try something completely new like Yoga, kickboxing, zip lining, horseback riding. There are many things offered at your local community center that are very inexpensive and sometimes free.
17. Go to the zoo.
18. Plan a special day trip to a location nearby.
19. Take dancing lessons together or just be silly and dance in your own your living room.
20. Take in a baseball game together. Many towns have a minor league baseball team and you can get tickets for about $5 (give or take).
21. You can do something that offers a little more family completion such as going bowling, roller blading, fishing, miniature golf, or hiking.
22. Go to open houses. My family does this just to get out of the house and see what we might like to do to ours.
23. Go to a coffee shop or a book store and just chill out.
24. Run/walk a marathon together.
25. Volunteer as a family.
26. Try out a flea market.
27. Sit by the fire and just talk.
28. Go camping, even if it's just in the front yard.
29. Play Frisbee
30. When it's raining, go play!
31. Try a fondue night or any new food/meal. You can even make it a weekly thing.
32. Make s’mores. If you don't have a fireplace, you can do what my family does, makes "ghetto s’mores". Take a terracotta ceramic pot, put tinfoil inside, fill it with coals, put some marshmallow on skewer sticks, and there you go!
33. Make a desert from scratch.
34. Head to a car dealer and test drive cars you’ve been dying to check out. This can be useful and fun. It's another way to get out of the house and it's a way to start teaching your kids about budgeting in an effort to save for something you really want.
35. Try out a Farmers Market
36. Make a family tree.
37. Head to a local museum
38. Make sundaes.
39. Go to an amusement park or fair.
40. Create something like a blanket fort, pillow fortress, LEGO cave, etc!
41. Have your kids’ help you create a "family goals" board showing trips you would like to take or things you would like to have one day, like that new car!
42. Clean out and organize the garage, closets, basement, or attic
43. Have a scavenger hunt!
44. Take one large vacations such white water rafting, water parks, theme parks, etc. Try not to make these larger trips frequent. When they are less frequent, it gives the kids something to really look forward to and in turn, enjoy that much more when they are able to go. It provides less opportunity to take it for granted.
45. Go swimming or just turn on the water in the yard, you can even have a water balloon/water gun fight!

I hope you enjoyed this list and also found several things to try out. Family time is so very important. Not only because it contributes to many of the necessary building blocks our children need, but also because it allows parents to take advantage of those opportunities that will not have once their children have families of their own!