"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see"
Conception:
The best environment in which we can bring a child is one where the parents have consciously prepared their bodies, minds, and spirits for pregnancy as well as for the birth. Conception should be viewed as a commitment between themselves and their baby. Expectant parents also need to ensure they are completely aware of what their role and responsibilities will be as a mother and/or father. However, even if a pregnancy is unplanned, it’s still very possible to create a healthy and nurturing environment for the expected child.
Considerations Prior To Having Child:
First you need to decide whether or not having and raising a child will fit into your current lifestyle. Think about your job demands, your extra activities, your mate’s job demands, your living environment i.e. do you have enough room and if not, is moving feasible. Assess your physical, mental, and emotional preparedness to have a baby. Would you be having one for the right reasons and with the right intentions? Are you being honest with yourself about your intentions? Second, be honest with yourself in regards to your ability to fully love and nurture your child. Examine the support you have available to you such as family and friends. Provide the child with support from both genders and multiple generations to increase opportunities for role modeling. Having a child is an ENORMOUS responsibility and anyone naïve enough to feel they can fully do it on their own is only doing a disservice to their child and themselves. Finally, you will need to look at your lifestyle choices and whether or not it will be conducive to raising a child.
Positive Infant-Parent Bonding:
There are several issues parents will encounter when raising a child that if addressed negatively can greatly affect the developing bond with their child. One large step that can be taken to avoiding damaging the parent-child bonding process is to avoid the use of substitutes for human contact as much as possible, such as strollers, carriers, portable seats, cribs, etc. You also do not want the child to become solely dependent on being held or carried all the time either, so you will need to seek out the middle ground between the two. When a child cries, it’s an expression of a need and should not be viewed as a manipulation. Each time a parent responds to a child’s cry it further cements their ability to trust their parents and eventually the world. Again, you will need to find a middle ground since the only exercise a new baby gets is crying, there will be times when a child is not crying due to a need. The ultimate goal is to not make a habit of utilizing this assumption with your child. If for some reason a biological parent cannot be consistently present for reasons such as military service, work, etc. it’s best to keep a consistent presence of them. You can do this through photos, videos, letters, and phone calls. Environment is another area to consider. Young children especially will require confidence in being able to predict their environment and those in it. Chaos and unpredictability WILL NOT contribute to positive development. Parents need to make every effort to provide consistency in their child’s life for the first three to five years. This includes things such as not moving around a lot, continually bringing different people in and out of their lives, and/or consistently changing day cares, babysitters and/or nannies. Another bonding essential is to not make the child feel as though the providing of love and affection is dependent upon the child’s behaviors.
Having a father consistently present in a child’s life will not only be significant to the child, but it will also be significant to the overall well being of the family unit. Their role clearly begins at conception, but will continue through the pregnancy by giving the mother physical and emotional support/protection. If there’s no biological father present, having a loving, consistent relationship with a male figure will still prove to be beneficial. Although it’s easy to lose sight of the father’s role during pregnancy, it makes the relationship and bond with the child no less important. Their role as the protector of mother and baby needs to be recognized and respected.
Honoring and Respecting The Child's Nature and Needs:
All children are born with the need for physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs that have to be met in order to help guarantee optimal development. Children will naturally imitate what they see around them. Negative role modeling can disrupt appropriate emotional development. This further illustrates the importance for parents to not yell, scream, fight, hit, or demonstrate any other extremely negative behaviors in their presence. The flip side is parents have to remember to demonstrate appropriate responses/reactions to the behaviors and attitudes of others. Safety is a huge need when children are young and they rely solely on their parents to keep them from the social toxins we’re all aware of. So parents not only have to be careful of whom they allow their child to come into contact with, but they also have to listen to their children when they are saying they feel uncomfortable and/or unsafe. When this is lacking in a child’s life it can also seriously impair their sense of trust and security. Physical needs are just as important to overall development. Parents have to protect their child brain and nervous systems development, i.e. video games, television, music, comp., etc. These visual and auditory influences do have their place in meeting a child’s needs, but you can over stimulate them and inhibit development.
Recognizing and Nourishing Differences:
Children, just as adults are social beings with a desire to play, learn, interact with others, and be physically present in their world. Therefore we’re most likely to reach our full potential as human beings when we’re placed in an environment where we are given respect as well as emotional and physical support. Children will also need some flexibility in their world while working to develop their problem solving skills. So it’s best to introduce a child friendly environment that has consistent and clear boundaries in which they can be creative, play, interact with others and nature, or just be themselves. When you begin to witness your child’s learning styles and abilities emerge, parents must remember that even though these styles may not be parallel to their own, they deserve no less respect than you do. The better you are able to understand your child’s personal development, the better you will be at nurturing your child in unison with their own identified styles.
A critical component to nurturing the development of your child’s personal tastes and interests is to encourage their developing abilities as opposed to constricting their development through restrictive, structured academics, specifically prior to age seven. Every child will have their own type of intelligence. Some will advance academically while others appear to have stronger kinesthetic or interpersonal abilities. A large key to seeing their true abilities erupt is to avoid shaping behavior and patterns through the use of bribes, threats, or punishments. Simply view challenging behavioral moments in parenting as more of a learning opportunity as opposed to hindrance. Another nurturing tool is validation. Just as adults, children need to be validated and acknowledged by others. Using positive words and actions can be a very impactful parenting tool. Forcing development and/or compliance through fear, intimidation, punishments, or threats will only prove to not only be detrimental to the child’s development, but also to the child’s relationship with the parent.
Functioning Within Society:
Socially responsive families and communities foster the development of age appropriate, creative, and compassionate problem solving/decision making skills and children who are raised within this type of environment tend to become socially responsible and responsive themselves. This is primarily because others have role modeled for them how to respect and respond appropriately to the needs of others.
Parental Education and Support:
Effective parenting skills aren’t knowledge we are born with, but can be learned. Having the appropriate information in regards to developmental stages, overall needs, and basic child rearing will be imperative for parents to make informed decisions as well as making them strong advocates for their child’s well being. Parents can seek out education through classes, support groups, reading materials, videos, etc. and they need to ensure the avenue they use as a means of education promotes an attachment style of parenting. Due to the increasing number of single parent homes we are facing, it’s crucial we don’t make these parents feel isolated and unsupported. A helpful tip for these parents is to seek out community housing options and/or programs that are specifically geared towards the lifestyle, needs, and wants of the single parent. One final note is that when expecting a child, we never assume anything other than a perfect, healthy baby, but there’s always the chance a child could be born with special needs. It’s never a bad idea for parents to take this into consideration and ensure they already have a support plan in place just in case this scenario becomes a reality. Parents can seek out counseling and/or support group options. This way if they do have a child with special needs, they are less likely to feel lost and unprepared.
At the end of the day, babies and children are just like computers, with one difference. They do not come with a backspace or delete button. Everything that GOES IN will STAY IN!!! It is crucial that we monitor what they see, what they hear, and what they do, but it is also unrealistic to think any parent is going to be perfect. What is realistic is being responsible, being mindful, being watchful, being consistent, being proactive, and being diligent. For ultimately, good, bad, or indifferent, parents are responsible for the effect their children on the this world and the people within it.
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